The Top Ten (And A Half) Ways To Annoy Your Coworkers

I post a Top Ten and a Half List every Friday. Why ten and a half? Because I don’t want to be accused of stealing a great idea, of course…So, here are the top ten (and a half) ways to annoy your coworkers:

11. During a staff meeting, inconspicuously look up at the ceiling as though there is something there. Eventually your coworkers will look up too and when you catch them yell ‘Gotcha’ and get up and do the happy dance.

10. Sing the lyrics to either ‘Yellow Submarine’ or The Bee Gees’ ‘I Started A Joke’ all day. Trust me, by the end of the day every coworker will be cussing your name as they catch themselves singing it, no matter how much they confess to hating the song. This works. I’ve done this successfully in elementary school, junior high, high school, college and every job I’ve ever had.

9. When the coworker across the hall from you leaves their desk, steal their pen. When they leave again, put it back. Repeat as many times as you feel necessary to get enjoyment from it.

8. Every time a coworker asks you for the status of a project you are working on, simply respond by saying something like, “I don’t know anything about that. Are you sure it’s me?” “I disavow all knowledge of that particular subject at this particular time,” works well too.

7. Use the speakerphone for every one of your calls all day.

6. When you get into work Monday morning, excitedly exclaim, “Wow I caught that Matlock last night. It’s great! How long has it been on and why did no one tell me about it before?”

5. Force all of your coworkers to acknowledge and act as though there is a pretend door in the entrance to your cubicle like Les Nessman did on ‘WKRP in Cinncinnati.’

4. Call your coworker’s extension every few minutes, recite a few lines of ‘What’s New Pussycat’ in Spanish and then hang up.

3. Every time you need to get up from your desk to get something off the printer, skip instead of walking.

2. Even though he didn’t, tell your coworkers that your boss asked you to let everyone know that Friday will be casual dress. Then show up Friday in your shirt and tie and act shocked and appalled at everyone’s inappropriate attire.

And the number one way to annoy your coworkers is:

1. Get a glue stick, a green Sharpie pen, several large paperclips and fasten them to…