Top Ten (And A Half) Things To Do When Suffering From Insomnia

I post a Top Ten and a Half List every Friday. Why ten and a half? Because I don’t want to be accused of stealing a great idea, of course…So, here are the top ten (and a half) things to do when suffering from insomnia:

11. Lie in bed and daydream about sleeping.

10. Drive around your city taking note of all the 24-hour fast food drive-thrus and then visit both of them on successive nights.

9. Sew a mask and cape and patrol the streets at night enforcing the law and repelling evil as Insomnia Man. Remember to recreate the bags under your eyes on the mask.

8. Grill up a steak and try to learn a foreign language by watching foreign soaps or infomercials.

7. Edge the backyard.

6. Apologize to the neighbors for edging the backyard.

5. Wash the cars (after all, there won’t be any water spots caused by the sun).

4. Apologize to the other neighbors for washing the cars, as well as the authorities when they arrive to answer both neighbors’ disturbing the peace calls.

3. Visit my blog. Better yet, visit my blog and leave a comment complimenting me on my witty writing. You can leave a comment about the lack of my witty writing skills, but I can’t guarantee that I won’t delete it.

2. Call your coworkers around 3AM and when they or their angry spouse answers, apologize and say that you dialed the wrong number in a deep eastern European accent.

And the number one thing to do when suffering from insomnia is:

1. Grab something exciting to read like a dictionary or the directions for your refrigerator and read until…