China Sounds Like A Nice Enough Place

After reading a story by the Associated Press, it sounds like China is taking steps to ensure that they put on a good and proper Summer Olympics next year. The story says that Olympic organizers there want to ban bad manners, spitting, run-down housing and nonsense English. If they successfully implement these bans and the International Olympic Committee ever adopts them, Los Angeles can kiss their chance at the 2016 Games good bye. Parts of L.A. excel in every one of those categories!

The story says that the newest ban is the crack down (is it me or do the words crack down and China make anyone else thing of Tiananmen Square) on badly worded English. China fears that people or signs that butcher our language could be an embarrassment for them. There are currently English worded signs in Beijing that make no sense to anyone, with the possible exception of Yoda or Sylvester Stallone, and the country hopes to work on getting that stopped and will even have a phone line for people to call if they spot poorly translated signs. Taxi drivers in Beijing are being required to pass English tests so that they can keep their licenses. I wonder if the phrases “So, where ya from,” “Yo, the meter is running” and “Hey, anyone call a taxi,” will be covered on the test.

I don’t know about you but it seems awfully nice of China to want to be so accommodating next summer to those who speak the English language. While I don’t keep myself too current on world affairs (or men’s fashion or the works of P. Diddy for that matter) and can’t recall actually studying in school, I always thought we never got along with China. Well, relations must not be too bad now. They are focusing on the use of correct English in Beijing and they keep sending our zoos Pandas, so things must be going pretty well. I guess they can take France’s place at our next world diplomacy slumber party. “I have like an announcement every one, we’re letting like China join our like clique. Like is that OK?”

Perhaps we should be concerned about the rest of the bans being put in place for the 2008 games. Think about it, no spitting and no bad manners. How’s that going to affect us Americans in Beijing? And I’m just talking about the athletes. How are our gymnasts, swimmers and equestrian competitors supposed to vent when they lose without bad manners? Can you imagine an American Olympic baseball team that takes the field and does not spit? Well, that’s like having an Olympic games without suspending an American or Canadian runner for failing a steroid test or an Eastern European judge who gives high marks to anyone from the west. Darn it, the whole thing just violates the spirit of the Olympic tradition.

I applaud China for going to the lengths they appear to be going, but let’s hope that the games aren’t too polite. Why it wouldn’t feel right traveling to another country and not getting lost because you can’t understand the signs or anyone you ask for directions. For me, the best part of the Olympics has always been the chance that I might see two athletes from different countries cause an international incident that sets the rest of the world on edge. Am I going to the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing you ask? No, my passport was just revoked for some reason…I'm sure it had nothing to do with me submitting "Goodness, Gracious, Great Wall of China" as the 2008 Summer Games theme song.