See What I Just Did…Kind Of

As an office dwelling sub-middle manager with two four-year olds who think they are in their mid-40s, I can’t brag of having the most exciting lifestyle. Reading and talking about other’s exploits in blogsville lately have made me realize that there are times I could or should live vicariously through someone else for the thrill I think I’m missing. It’s rather efficient when you think about it. I would get to enjoy others' cool experiences without ever leaving my home. You know, that might be described as lazy more than anything else, but we’ll ignore that for now.

Living vicariously through someone could be the next big frontier in entertainment (aside from pairing Celine Dion with Elvis on American Idol apparently. If I’d had a gun when I saw that last night I would have shot it out in defense of The King’s honor, but I guess that’s what happens when it was decided not to sign Elvis’ estate over to me). Vicarious living is practically the poor man’s virtual reality.

I could create a fee or license to live vicariously through someone else’s adventures. But what rights could be extended to both parties involved? Does a fee or license actually give the ‘vicarousee’ (the person who sits and watches) the rights to claim having done what the ‘vicariouser’ (the doer) actually did? Do both parties have to sign agreements of conduct and liability waivers? By signing, does the vicariouser forever lose the right to brag about what they did like spray painting the name of their girlfriend on the town water tower? Does the vicariousee pay ahead of time for the bragging rights or after? Can they pick beforehand what they would like done? If so, chances are that the vicariouser would not be spray-painting the name of his girlfriend, but rather the name of the vicariousee’s girlfriend. This has the potential to get confusing, but I’ll let someone else figure out the logistics. I’ll be sure and let you know what they find out.

As you can see, like genetic cloning, stem cell research and which was the better Darren on ‘Bewitched,’ there a lot of questions involved with living vicariously. Perhaps I would be the right person to ponder and then some day (like when I have nothing else to do) determine the answers to these questions. Maybe I will enter the field of vicarious experience brokering. It might be a little slow at first, but once the word of mouth gets going, I’m sure it’s bound to take off. I’ve always been an entrepreneur at heart and this may turn out to be the next big thing I’ve been searching for. I could make a living pairing up people who do stuff with people who want to talk about doing stuff.

Have you ever wanted to brag about the rush of skydiving but are too scared to even approach an airplane? No problem, I’ll hook you up with an experienced skydiver, you can watch what he does from the safety of the ground and then you get an hour of one on one time as he explains his sky dive to you. I’ll even Photoshop you into his skydiving photo and just like that, you can amaze your friends and coworkers with the skydiver’s, I mean your, skydiving exploits.

Does that cute secretary in the corner near the elevator make your heart cry ‘humina, humina, humina?’ Not a problem. I’ll get someone to wine and dine her (my professionalism prevents me from cutting costs and dating her myself, sorry), describe the evening and provide a doctored tableside photo of the two of you so that you will be the envy of the guys in the office.

Imagine being able to tell people you are meeting for the first time that you have met former Presidents, invented the riding lawn mower, sang with Wayne Newton, were the inspiration for Forrest Gump (actually, that might not be anything to brag about), did all of Burt Reynolds’ stunts in ‘Smokey and the Bandit,’ won the Indy 500, scaled Mt. Everest, swam with sharks and created the at home latte machine. Through my incredible service, you’ll be able to describe these events and more as well as have the photos to prove it. Just think what this will do for your social life.

Now if I can just find someone to loan me the money to film an infomercial and record a set of instructional DVD’s to explain my vicarious experience brokerage. On second thought, I’m pretty busy right now. I guess I could just pay someone to do all that for me and I’ll take the credit.