What To Do When You Awake Before The Dead

I have been waking up between 3:30am and 5am for the last couple of weeks. And to think, I was mad at having to get the girls ready for school at 6:30am. That seems soooo late now. Years ago I wrote about “Insomnia Man” and I'm getting ready to launch Captain Slumbers Too Little and his masked partner, Lt. Graveyard Shift. Yes, those are just a working titles. Unless they grab you. Nah, I don't want to pander to my readers like that. Well, unless you think I should? No wonder I have a tough time deciding where to eat...

The first step in battling my “waking up before the alarm clock goes off” (which should be considered a sin) is to up the amount of my sleepy time medicine. Sleepy Time is not the legal name for it. The legal name is only something my doctor can pronounce. So I did that. And proceeded to wake up EARLIER than I did yesterday. I stopped taking naps for a few days, that also didn't help. Although it made me a zombie around 6pm each night. Not the good sci-fi zombie.

I could lessen the cups of coffee I drink. That was a joke. If you do that I will hunt you down and do despicable things to you. Really despicable things! Like watch Lawrence Welk on Sunday nights wearing old cardigan sweaters that smell like “old folk.” So see, messing with the level of caffeine I ingest is off the table.

This brings me to the part of the essay which I like to call “Things Not To Do When You Wake Up While The Rooster Is Dreaming.” Normally accepted things to do during this time are things like write a sappy letter to your spouse, straighten up the living room, make the girls lunch for school and read. You know, quiet but yet productive things.

Those things would be all well and fine. But not for me. I like to wake up, turn the Christmas trees on Yes, I said trees with an 's.' Don't be jealous. That just the way we tumble. Maybe that should be 'roll?' Then I make coffee. After that, I turn on the tv, because gun fire will keep the whole house asleep. After that, I start a fire. Ya know, just quiet things to do.

So, if I am going to keep waking up so early, I have to change my ways. Perhaps that is when I'll receive a visit from Captain Slumbers Too Little. Oh wait, I made him up. I really have to get more sleep..