Friday, November 28, 2008

If Only I Had Seen This Yesterday...

...Or perhaps several days or weeks ago because of the lengthy prep time I am assuming accompanies what I am about to share with you. While perusing around online this morning, I came across a mention of a new take on turducken, which is odd considering that turducken itself is a new take on something. This creation was called turgooduccochiqua. Now here is where I need to you to follow closely, because things are going to get confusing fast. A turgooduccochiqua is: a quail stuffed inside a cornish game hen that is inside of a duck, which resides in a chicken that is nesting inside of turkey. But hang on there because we aren't finished yet. All of those fowl ingredients (Get it? Fowl as in foul?) are then stuffed inside of a goose, which really brings that phrase from "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" that says "the goose is getting fat" to mind. Though in this case the goose is getting morbidly obese, but that's no fun to think about when eating. Oh yes, as if that wasn't enough meaty goodness for you, apparently the whole frankenbird is lined with bacon between all of the layers.





Ok, that was me allowing you to catch your breath and truly savor the ramifications of such a delicious food concoction. It might just be the greatest newly devised food of this new century and quite possibly the best offered since the Campbell's Soup Test Kitchen gave us the green bean casserole with those Durkee Fried Onions on top or even spam or maybe even bacon salt.

One thing is clear however, we need to encourage Americans to keep experimenting in such bold culinary fashion. After all folks, America is a country founded by explorers and pioneers and that spirit needs to be nurtured. In the kitchen. 

To say that I enjoy food is about as much of an understatement as saying that Copacabana is a good song (it's one of the greatest songs ever with its drama and anguish and suspense all set to a disco beat - to help you with the understatement comparison). All of this cramming of other meats into dead turkeys makes my mind wander dreamily to other food cramming and stuffing possibilities.

Could you just imagine the Scallshrobster? You're right. You probably can't because I haven't told you what it is. It's shrimp stuffed inside scallops that yes, are stuffed into lobster. Then there's the Cheese Hamfurter. This one is pretty self-explanatory. It's a hot dog stuffed inside a hamburger. You'd think this one would be a no brainer during America's Christmas - The 4th of July. Well actually, I guess December 25th is America's Christmas, but just saying "America's Birthday" seemed so bland and trivial.

Oh, how about the Keyconut Pie? A layer of coconut cream pie on top of a layer of Key Lime pie. This one might be an acquired taste, but then so is the music of The Ray Conniff orchestra and chorus and I've learned to love it. I am sure there is something involving bacon that could be thought up, but then bacon tastes good on pretty much everything. Cheese, another addiction of mine, would also be a good universal food pairing candidate. Wait a minute that could give us Chacon Bombs. Little cubes of cheese wrapped inside little strips of bacon and rolled together - hence the bomb label. Well, that and the fact that bombs can kill you, though perhaps just a little quicker than downing several chucks of cheese and bacon at the same time.

I would love to continue this fantasy stroll down the lane of crazy food hybridization, but 1. I don't think I used hybridization correctly just now, and 2. I am getting very, very hungry. 


cmk said...

The only thing that could possibly make the bacon-wrapped turducken more likely to kill immediately is if you deep fried it. Now THAT would be something worth eating. ;)

meleah rebeccah said...

OMG. I totally agree with CMK.

Deep Fried Bacon-Wrapped Turducken is something to look into!

Once again, your humor cracks me up and your wit amazes me.

(Safe to say you are back on your game?)

Patti said...

Hi Michael, I'd say you were back on your game..

I don't know if I would like that frankenbird, but I appreciate anyone who is adventurous in their food selection. It's the icing on the cake of life, to follow your lead.

JennyLu said...

I have heard of the bird thing like this: chicken inside a goose inside a turkey baked at 350' for a million hours. But not to the degree of what you mentioned. I have also heard they are very good but I just lack the time and stomache for stuffing birds. *which is why we traditionally have a turkey breast roast instead of a bird... NO GIzards.*

But I might go make some fudge. LOL. I am kinda hungry now too.

JennyLu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Just telling it like it is said...

how about bacon+pancake+sausage+egg+maple syrup call it pananconsagegmapsurp..
How's that fer breakfast?

LilSass said...

I AGREE that you're back on your A-game my friend. I very rarely read your re-posted posts because well .... it's like sharing stale bread. I want the real-live-and-in-person you and this post was fabulous. Outright disgusting, but fabulous nonetheless!

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