Wednesday, July 27, 2011

It's...uh, Wednesday?

I know that most people refer to Wednesday as “hump” day. But being a parent of two almost 9 year old girls, I prefer to call it something different. Because I do NOT want to have to explain what hump is to my girls. Yes, it's a bump or that thing on a camel's back but I'm talking about the OTHER word for hump. You know, the 'bon chick a bo wow' thing. Wait, did that sound like I was calling for a dog to come to me?

Because if you have been reading this blog since Lucy and Ethel were 4, you know that I still refer to men's parts as 'the man area' and woman's parts as the 'woman area' and that's as far as I want to go, at least until they are 18, ok 20, well how about 30...

But sitting around saying Happy Middle Of The Week to people might seem like what an Irish man says. “Happy Middle O'The Week to ya lass,” while tipping his hat. That's fine and dandy, but I'm not Irish. That should be clear if you've ever seen my legs...

So what should I call Wednesday? 'Happy 4th Day,' or if you start your week on Monday, 'Happy Thrice Day?' But I think the word thrice went out of favor back when there were castles and dames locked inside of them and people used to have big turkey legs to eat.

That's why I am writing this. I will let YOU decide what I should call Wednesday. Come on, I know that you are all clever folks. Besides if I put you to work on it then I can go find me some turkey leg!! Did that sound right??

Friday, July 15, 2011

It's Be A Dork Day!!!

But what if I am one already?  Does that mean I can be more of a dork?  Can I flaunt my dorkiness (that's what she said)?

I am a full scale dork.  In fact this morning I downloaded a painting of the Original Star Trek cast as rock musicians.  I don't what else could be more dorky.  Well, aside from wanting to frame it?

I'll just cut this post short and say you should read my last post about "Embrace Your Geekness Day."  It says it all...  :D

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

What Did You Call Me?

So, today is “Embrace Your Geekness Day.” I had to stop for a minute because I thought it was “Embrace Another Geek Day,” which is completely different. I consider myself a geek but it's different when someone else calls me that. Of course I have also been called a block head, square, nerdy, dorky...Where am I going with that? Never mind!

I was searching for pictures of 'geekiness,' but I don't think it's word. But what appeared were a bunch of images that I think are cool, not geeky. Star Wars, Star Trek, computer geeks and a plethora of images of people with Stormtrooper helmets on. A lot of pictures of that. I mean a lot. You could almost say a ton of pictures. If I had a Stromtrooper helmet on it would be the pinnacle of fashion sense. I could wear it with shorts, jeans or even my Santa Claus outfit.

I probably am failing greatly at making you think I am anything but geeky. But let me list all of the things that make me cool, instead. I have Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits, I once saw Billy Joel and Elton John live together, I like Sesame Street, I have a writing pipe (it's like a smoking pipe, but words do not circle my head as I have it in my mouth), I am looking forward to the Smurfs movie and I dig documentaries on TV.

Alright, after reading that last paragraph, I still have not convinced you I am not a geek. Well, I guess a am a geek, so I will embrace it with two arms. Because if being geeky is wrong, I don't wanna be right...

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Celery: It's The Stalk Of The Devil

I spend quite a lot of time talking about the foods I enjoy. Bacon, cheese, lobster, BBQ, ice cream and saltine crackers (ok, bet you didn't know about that last one. You know, I enjoy little wafers of salt soaked cardboard from time to time). However, I want to talk about the foods (or just one – I haven't thought that far ahead in my writing yet) that I hate. OK, 'hate' is to tame a word. If I am within the same kitchen as it, I deform and start singing show tunes.

What is this food concocted by Satan himself? It is celery. I know that lots of people (by lots I mean the 3 that read this) are recoiling in their chairs right now because they probably enjoy it (I mean celery, not recoiling in their chairs). But seriously, I think dog food must taste better. Actually, I know this as fact. Because I once tried a piece of doggy beef jerky once. It looked so good. That was before I bit into it. Still, that was still better than the stalk of the devil.

The smell sets off an alarm in my head and of course I begin singing the show tunes. If there is a piece on my plate I start getting into the fetal position and of course I begin singing the show tunes. And if there is one mixed into the food I WAS going to eat, I develop a type of turrets and you know about the show tune part.

Why do so many people cook with it. It's in soups, stuffing, sandwiches, potato salad and the list goes on. Does the smell not affect other people? Is it my cryptonite (well, it is green...)? Just cutting through a piece is like food carpentry. The texture is like having a piece of wood soaked with (uh...I really must start thinking through my posts before I begin writing). Let's just say the texture bothers me...a lot.

Well this is the only time I will ever write the word 'celery' out again. I feel dirty. And seriously, how do people put peanut butter on it and call it a snack?? Peanut butter is one of the toppings on the Mount Rushmore of Toppings. And people defile it by putting it on the symbol of what is evil and wrong with this world.

I do however like rhubarb, which is structurally like celery. I haven't figured out why that is. I have actually seen a shrink to determine why, but when I get on his couch I fall asleep and he's so kind that he doesn't wake me up (at least I think that's why he doesn't wake me up...)

So in closing, please do not serve celery while I'm around!! Well, unless you like show tunes...