My Autobiography

I can’t drive, so it actually will not contain an auto…But I am thinking of writing a biography.  Why not!  Politicians write one when they are a Presidential hopefuls.  I figured why not change it up.  Since I haven’t written a book and no one knows who I am, that’ll be how I introduce myself.  And I’ll probably have a recipe for something bacony in it.  I wasn’t typing balcony, I do mean “bacon-y.” Presidential hopefuls don’t have that in their biographies!

Biographies don’t contain “facts,” right?  I figured it would be more readable if it contained “facts – in name only.”  I’d call it a fact, but it probably wouldn’t be “factual” at all.  Or maybe they would be someone else’s facts.  Hey, I like that idea!

I read that Mark Twain has his autobiography coming out in just a few weeks.  I quickly had to run to Wikipedia to see if he was actually dead.  He said that he would release it when he’s been dead for a hundred years.  That solved that little mystery.  Time Magazine (I look at it for the pictures) said it was a pretty neat (pretty neat…that all I could come up with?) autobiography.  He doesn’t follow any set timeline.  He just flows from one story into another.  I’m thinking of doing that in my biography, too.

So, let’s review: my biography won’t have facts, or if they do, they’ll be someone else’s facts and it won’t be in chorological order.  That’s a good starting point.  Oh, I almost forgot: my biography will have a bacon recipe. 

Now I shall begin my autobiography.  It will be leather bound and contain 1000 pages.  I’m not sure if I’ll use 1000 pages, so a bunch of pages may be stick figures.  It will start when I was the ripe age of 13.  Back when I was a doctor, at the age of 13…(bet you can’t wait to read the rest of it).