Uhhh, What Was I Saying Again??

Well, if my local morning disc jockey is to be believed, and that is still debatable, today marks the midway point of 2007. I’m honestly not sure how I feel about this. Have I wasted half a year or do I have another half of the year to achieve perfection? I just had my fist Pepsi in longer than I can remember (I’ll choose not to name the party responsible for my going over to the dark side) and may need to go to confession because of that later today, so I’m really going to have to be on my best behavior for the remainder of the year. Now that is pressure!

There is so much I wanted to get done this year. Yes, most of the list revolved around pranks and office tomfoolery (ooh, I just used a 50 cent word), but I had actual noble goals too. I wanted to volunteer for a charity, donate a building to my local library, clean up a section of highway and save a couple of animals, to say the least. OK, yes, I lied. None of that was on my list. My major goal was figuring out how to be able to lay in the hammock Lucy and Ethel got me last year without falling out. Unexpected falls from a hammock do not exactly contribute to relaxation. Plus, I think my dog laughs at me every time it happens and that does nothing but help me lose credibility come obedience training time. Not my training! Her’s.

I have debated what to devote the rest of the year to. I haven’t come up with anything yet. I was tempted to spray paint my cubicle walls a nice ocean blue and hang up a nice neon sign, but was advised it was against several of our employer’s safety (and even conduct) codes. However, there is no specific wording on bringing a tent into the office, so maybe I’ll work out of a tent the rest of the summer, and possibly 2007. It would make me happier and a happier worker is a more productive worker, unless I get too happy, at which point I stop working all together. I would also like to work on some new songs for Lucy and Ethel to dance to. I’ve been flirting with the idea of getting them addicted to ABBA’s ‘Dancing Queen,’ but then if that song starts to annoy me, there will be nothing I can do about it. I know I’m setting some pretty lofty goals here, but I have half a year to accomplish them. Oh yeah, I forgot to reiterate how much I still want to bring a musical version of Welcome Back Kotter to Broadway. If I’m successful with that, I’ll devote at least half of 2008 to creating a musical version of ‘The Andy Griffith Show.’ My major concern there is how to make the entire production appear black and white only. How does Andy Dick playing Barney Fife sound? Granted, I’m still early in the casting phase, but one has to think ahead…

Oh man, I almost forgot the major reason for today’s post! No, it’s not that The King – Richard Petty celebrates his 70th birthday today. Although, don’t under estimate how important that is to me. I still don’t think I wash the hand that he shook 7 years ago without crying. At any rate, what I almost forgot to tell you was that today is ‘I Forgot Day.’ Or at least I think it was today. I forget…or is it forgot?

I should write a personal letter of thanks to the person that created this holiday and had the foresight to make sure it fell on a Monday. After all, I forgot a lot of things today. I forgot to get to work on time, I forgot to bring my tie (although I forgot on purpose), I apparently forgot to empty my coffee cup last Friday before I left for the weekend (although it looks like I grew a new form of life in it) and I forgot to change my cell phone ring tone from ‘Take This Job and Shove It.’ Go figure this is the one day where the thing has already rang 13 times! I may try to use this whole ‘I Forgot’ thing as much as possible today. I forgot to print my morning report, I forgot to eat while at lunch; thus necessitating a second lunch and I forgot to refill my office PEZ Dispenser (Homer Simpson, if you’re wondering); thus necessitating a trip to the store for a refill.

Yes, I like this forgetting thing. Perhaps I can forget to celebrate it today so I can celebrate it again tomorrow. I also forgot the name of the lady that just called me from another office about something I have since forgotten and disconnected with me by calling me babe. However, I didn’t forget to tell the entire office about it. I also didn’t forget my office ‘project’ for the day. Since my cell phone keeps going off, I’m taking that inspiration and am going to sing ‘Take This Job And Shove It’ to myself all day. My hope is that I’ll get everyone in the office singing it even though they don’t want to. If successful, the next step is getting my coworkers to buy me lunch without realizing it. Hopefully they’ll forget they did.

Well, I need to go write a post for today. I had a great idea, but I seem to have forgotten what it was going to be…