Things I Learned This Week: 7/21/07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason it never makes me look good. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 7/15/07-7/21/07.

! I learned that I should NEVER show up to work humming ‘Islands In The Stream.’ There is never any acceptable excuse for me to be doing that or much I can say when someone realizes what it is I’m humming.

! I learned that when I awake on the downstairs floor approximately two hours after dinner and Lucy and Ethel have been trying to amuse themselves all that time, I am going to find a mess. Actually, several messes. They get bored easily.

! I learned that you can’t lie to a coworker and say you DID NOT go to a BBQ joint for lunch when you emanate the smell of wood fire smoke from every pore. You may not realize it, but those around you most certainly will.

! I learned that I need to get a life when I found myself and a friend standing on the back of a bass boat outside of Bass Pro Shops trying to get a picture of a crab boat captain from TV’s ‘Deadliest Catch’ inside when we couldn’t get into the building because of the immense grand opening crowds. It makes the story even more depressing when I add that I emailed the blurry long distance photo I was able to take to friends. Seriously, when did all of these rednecks move to Southern California? I don’t mind, I just wish I got to meet them sooner to talk about racing, BBQ and exchange road kill recipes.

! I learned that when I take directions from two 4 ½ year olds about what shirt and tie combination I am going to wear to work, I really need to reassert myself as the parent.

! I learned that the gang from work possible eats too often at the little Mexican Food joint across the parking lot. We decided to go someone else yesterday and the owners just watched us walk by with hurt looks on their faces. They also like to point out that we missed eating there whenever we skip a day and then ask where we went instead. It’s an odd feeling really, when you are being stalked by the proprietors of a family owned restaurant. Maybe we’ll bring flowers if we eat there Monday.

And lastly,

! I learned that a written report for work should never be the place to try out words like ‘Husseined,’ ‘Alec Baldwined’ or phrases like ‘their performance was similar to that of one of Dick Cheney’s buddies on a hunting trip.’ I guess I’ll save that stuff for my blog.