Q And A Tuesday - Number 2

Much to my surprise, I actually got questions to warrant a second straight Q & A Tuesday. The questions this week are just as impressive as last weeks, too. Again, please remember that all the same rules apply. It is strongly cautioned that none of my answers should be quoted (especially in a work or family/friends setting), it’s a waste of time to fact check or cross reference any of my answers since they are mostly fabricated and I cannot be held liable for anything I may suggest doing, if in fact you actually end of trying it yourself. I should mention that I am still waiting for someone to ask me what the greatest country song of all time is so I can provide you with my 500 word dissertation, but we’ll do that another time. OK folks, take off your thinking caps, put your pen and paper down and get comfy because this will be a really long post (and please excuse the errors and typos, I was too lazzzzy to spell and grammur chick today -- see what mean??). Now, here we go with Q & A Tuesday, week 2…

Kat just missed getting these questions in last week so I’ve had all week to work on them, even though I really didn’t need that much time, for they are SNL questions. Woo Live From New York, It’s Saturday Night Hoo!!!! The wonderful Kat asks:
‘I would love to know the most common quotes you repeat from SNL, your favorite characters, your favorite performers, and your favorite over all season. And you can't say era because that is too vast. I think I actually know these answers. This is more a test for myself to see if I am right.’
I’m honestly not sure I can complete a sentence without quoting from something from SNL. My favorites include ‘schwing,’ ‘isn’t that special,’ Phil Hartman as Sinatra saying ‘I’ve got chuncks of guys like you in my stool,’ and Christopher Walken from the ‘The Continental’ saying ‘cham-pag-nee and ca-wi-are.’ Christopher Walken is a misunderstood comic genius. I have also been known to say ‘two wild and crazy guys,’ ‘Jane, you ignorant slut,’ ‘Da Bears,’ ‘I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me,’ ‘I’m 50, 5-0, Fifty,’ ‘Nevermind,’ ‘I’m livin’ in a van down by the river,’ ‘we’re here to pump (clap) you up,’ ‘ver klempt,’ ‘go ahead, talk amongst yourselves, I’ll give you a topic.’ Kat, I could keep going on here, but I think you get the point. Oh yeah, you know I can’t order a cheeseburger without saying ‘cheeseburger, cheeseburger’ and I can’t leave someone without saying ‘buh-bye now, buh bye.’ See, I can’t stop. ‘I’m Fred Garvin, male prostitute.’ It’s like an addiction, I swear! ‘Yeah, that’s the ticket.’

My favorite characters are Chris Walken in the Continental, the Ambigously Gay Duo, Wayne and Garth, Linda Richmond, Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker, Sally O’Malley, Father Guido Sarducci, The Sweeney Sisters (Nora Dunn and Jan Hooks), Dana Carvey as President Bush, The Ladies Man, Rosanne Rosannadanna, Dana Carvey as Ross Perot, Emily Litella, Baba Wawa and the Cone Heads. Again, there are more, but I’ll stop before I lose to many readers. I can’t forget the Pathological Liar, Tommy Flanagan.

My favorite performers are Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd, Dana Carvey, Kevin Nealon, Jan Hoolks, Gilda Radner, John Belushi, Davis Spade, Rob Schneider, Garret Morris, Al Franken, Jon Lovitz, Phil Hartman (OF COURSE!!), Mike Myers, Will Farrell, Chris Rock, Molly Shannon, Chris Parnell, Chris Farley, Joe Piscopo, Dennis Miller, Adam Sandler and Victoria Jackson. I am of course leaving a separate sentence for the Goddess of Comedy, Tina Fey. I literally get all giddy watching her. Man, why do I keep sharing these things??

Kat, my favorite season, hands down was the 1991-92 season? Why? That is when Wayne’s World hit the theaters and it was my senior year of high school. I think we watched just about every episode that year as a group. That is my favorite season.

Kat then asked:
‘Velcro or lace up?’
I’m a lace up guy, but I did go through a Velcro stage in the early parts of elementary school. Only problem was that whenever I sat with my legs crossed on the floor, I’d get stuck to the carpet. The twins now have Velcro and it takes me ten minutes just to get their shoes apart from each other so I can help put them on. Yes, lace up is easier for me. Plus, the friction that Velcro can cause freaks me out. I just know I’m going to start a fire someday!

AndreAnna, my new word hero, asked this:
‘If you could met one celebrity, who would it be and why? And would you sleep with them?’
Well, the nature of that question almost dictates that I should pick a woman, but I’m still picking a dude. I would pick the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra. I would because he is just so cool, that’s all there is to it. Plus, as you can appreciate AndreAnna, he had a really cool lingo. I would however, NOT sleep with him. Though, I would get his slippers and paper for him. Other celebrities that were in the running include Ed Sullivan, Fred Willard, the fat cop from CHIPS, the guy that played the cop that got shot in the second episode of the 4th season of NYPD Blue, our local Channel 9 weather girl Jackie Something Or Other Who’s Chest Blocks Montana To Virginia When She Turns In Front Of The Weather Map, Cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch and Bob Newhart. Charles Nelson Reilly recently died, right? Ok, I’m done.

My soon to be Cardiologist, Just Telling It Like It Is, asked me
‘What kind of food did your mother cook for you when you were a boy and what was her signature dish?’
My mom cooked me gruel. It was a mixture of grits, oatmeal and cream of wheat. I think we called it Groaeat. It was not very good, except the maple flavored one, but not when she put tartar sauce in it. My favorite meal was when she would burn the Groateat and we got to go out back and graze on grass. Those were special nights. Actually, I was tube fed for a while as a young kid and don’t remember that, but everything had to be blended into a yogurt type consistency. Can you imagine fried chicken that way? I’ll long for it when I’m old. Of course I am making all of this up. I have to say that (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) because she’ll slap me upside the head if she ever reads this. Again, I’m kidding, really, I’m kidding…Her signature dish was, uh, whatever TV dinner was on sale that week. Again, I’m kidding! She slaved over the stove for me and my brother and I am soooooo thankful, yada, yada, yada.

My Jedi Master Brandy had a number of questions this week including a ‘revenge question’ for one I asked of her a few weeks back. You’ll probably be able to figure out which one it was…Brandy asked me:
1. What cartoon character do you feel is completely underrated in regards to their comedic timing?
Mr. Magoo is an obvious answer, but I am going to try harder because Brandy put so much thought into her questions, or preguntas if you are bilingual like I am not. I think Rosie from ‘The Jetsons’ gets the nod. Seriously, she was a robot and still managed to have comedic timing. Now that is hard to do!!

2. If you could create a weapon that would destroy rock, paper and scissors all at once, what would it be?
I should say a hammer like device called the Fist Pulverizer, but let’s be honest; I’m going with the Atom Bomb. Not even paper can stand up to that!

3. Betty or Veronica?
It would be Betty without even thinking about it. She’s more humble, nicer and not all rich and stuck up like Veronica, who just KNOWS she’s hot.

4. What are your views on the current global warming crisis? And what steps (if any) are you and your family taking to ensure the ending of baby polar bears drowing?
Brandy, I guess I had this one coming. I think global warming is serious, at least I am told I should. I am on blood thinners, so I usually feel colder than most folks. For that reason alone, I should welcome global warming so that I can be more comfortable wherever I may go, but someone recently told me that is selfish. Therefore, because people are reading this, I shall say global warming is bad, not prudent, bad. Baby polar bears drowning is a very serious epidemic that happens when water levels around the world rise, or at least that is what I read when I Googled it. OK, I was actually lazier than resorting to Google. I am making it up. The drowning polar bears should be rescued and adopted. Lucy and Ethel would love to raise polar bears in our backyard. It would also give me the excuse to build an in-ground swimming pool to house them. When the city’s code enforcement people come out and say I cannot raise polar bears in my neighborhood, I would send my polar bears after them and then get a reputation as the Polar Bear Guy. No one would ever again challenge my right to raise polar bears. When they are able to knock over my back fence or block my view of the TV while laying down, I would donate them to SeaWorld on the condition that I get free passes for 50 people for life. I Brandy, am a friend of the animal kingdom!

5. Best flavor of chip dip?
Hmmmm, does boysenberry jelly mixed with alfredo sauce count? No? That’s what I thought. I am actually partial to hummus (which is really pronounced home-us, not hum-mus…I’m part Lebanonese, betcha didn’t know that…also betcha didn’t care…) I infuriate my elders by using chips to dip in my hummus instead of pita bread. Guacamole, french onion and just plain sour cream are also suitable replacements when out of hummus. As is salsa, 7-layer dip or spaghetti sauce. I’ll just come out and say it…if it has liquid, it can be a chip dip!


I’ve said this before, but Patti is a reporter and again this week, she asked the hard hitting questions. Patti’s questions this week were:
‘Have you noticed, with few exceptions (Capt. Corky, Ralph, Lone Grey and Bobby Griffin come to mind) that more than 90 percent of your readers are of the female persuasion?’
As you can see these are tough questions!
First, I honestly hadn’t noticed the gender make up of my visitors. I’ve think of everyone who visits regularly as individuals in a way, so I never really looked at the big picture. But now, I’m self-conscious about it and will have to figure out how to write more manly stuff. You know, I already write about BBQs, fried food and NASCAR. Hmmm, what next??

Patti also asked
'If Odat is your bestest blogging buddy' who is your second bestest?'
Wow! I think I’m pleading the 5th on this one. That’s really all I can say about that. Really. Wow, uh, yeah. I’m done ;-)

Erica AP stopped by to ask a question this week about one of my favorite subjects (Thanks, Erica!!). I’ll try and keep the answer short. Erica asked:
‘Are your twins identical twins? If so, how often do people stop you, when you go out, to tell you they look alike?’
Lucy and Ethel are identical. The only thing is that they are not identical to each other. They are each identical to someone else’s child, so they do not actually look alike. It’s really awkward when we are with the families who have the children that Lucy and Ethel each look like. Yes, people point and stare and yes, people ask questions, but we’ve just learned to be thick skinned about it. Heck, I still don’t even know how it happened…

Ok, I’m obviously joking, well about one of the twins, I mean they are 3 weeks apart. Again, I am joking. They are 11 minutes apart and are the highest probability of being identical. Because they were premature, we weren’t too concerned about having the further tests done to determine if they were identical, but they are. When they were younger, we’d get stopped every five feet. It would take us twice as long to get anywhere because of all the people that would stop us. Now that they are almost 5, people just look and smile, but hardly anyone stops. I have had to keep myself from yelling ‘hey, twins here, stop and look at them! They are identical, people!!’ Yeah, I guess I miss the attention.

Ralph my fellow Sinatra and BBQ admirer asked:
‘Can you dance as well at Rat packer Sammy Davis Jr.?’
Uh, no Ralph. Not even close. I tried hoofing it like him once and am still trying to figure out how I didn’t break my ankles. That cat can dance!! This cat has vertigo. It kinda makes the hoofing hard. I can do a decent impersonation of him though. By the way, may dad’s father was in the same bar with him before he got into the big accident in the desert where he lost his eye. My family’s claim to fame. Woo Hoo. Perhaps I should open a museum??

Odat, my already discussed bestest blogging buddy, asked these four questions:
a) Are you a cat or dog person?
Dog. However, I’m thinking a pet polar bear might be nice after answering Brandy’s question.
b) Do you like the beach or the mountains?
I prefer swamps. It’s cooler with more shade.
c) Ocean or lake?
I’ve always been more partial to stagnant water. It turns such interesting colors.
d) Coffee or tea?
Coke, but I will have coffee and tea when there is an absence of Coke. Well, that’s after I shake, shiver and sweat a lot.
e) Vanilla or chocolate?
I just saw this neat thing on TV about frozen whale blubber with berries and whipped cream. I think I’d prefer that instead.
Ok Odat, I’m sorry…Dog, beach, ocean, Tea, Vanilla.

In honor of yesterday’s big National Hot Dog Day and National Vanilla Ice Cream Day, Airam posed a most appropriate question. It was:
Do you think that in honour of the two holidays being celebrated, people eat hotdogs and vanilla ice cream together? Would you? How do you think that would taste?
I doubt other people are adventurous enough to try it, but I most certainly would. I think it would taste like bad rotten fish that sat too long in spoiled milk. Unless of course the hot dog bun soaked that part up. Then it might not be so bad because the bun wouldn’t be as dry. Yes, I have everything in my fridge to make Vanilla Dogs. If I don’t post tomorrow, I’ll be in the hospital getting my stomach pumped.


Well, that's it for this week. For those of you who made it to the end of this, thanks!