Q & A Monday – The Return. Or The Revenge. You Decide.

Well, I opened up another Q & A Monday. You were nice enough to do the ‘Q’ part and now I shall do the ‘A’ part. Just a few things to remember prior to starting though. My answers cannot be quoted for use within a public forum or to try and impress someone with your (which is actually my) knowledge. Seriously, I’m not that smart and quoting me will only get you in trouble, most likely because I have already quoted someone else and as many teacher told me in school ‘you cannot quote the work of others and present it as your own.’ I think doing so is called plaque or something like that.

The second thing I need to tell you is that if history is any indicator, I will more than likely forget to answer someone’s question. If I do that, just kindly remind me and I’ll get to it within a few months or so. Also, I don’t spell check or fact check my answers, which means unless it has something to do with Barry Manilow, SNL or cheese, it probably won’t be accurate. So, with that out of that way, here’s the first question…

And first up we have my real life best bud’s wife. I realize that’s quite a title, but my best bud means a lot to me, so I don’t mine typing it. Her questions were or are or possibly is: ‘AM or FM? Paper or Plastic? Coke or Pepsi? Boxers or Briefs? And the most important of all - Mozzarella or Cheddar?’
Ok, FM, although I have found a nice oldies country station at 1350 on my AM dial. Paper – because we all should do our part to be green, even though paper bags are brown. As far as Coke or Pepsi, I say whatever one they happen to be serving. I’m not particular, unless it’s Coke Zero. I do like Coke Zero and you can add almost any flavor extract to it to make it even better. Pepsi has Pepsi One, but seriously, why do I want that extra calorie when I can get a Coke Zero that has none. I bet someone at PepsiCo is taking a lot of heat for that one. Boxer-briefs (I figure if I answer this one quickly nobody will pay attention) and definitely Cheddar. In fact, I am currently enjoying a lovely block of 1 year aged premium sharp white Tillamook cheddar. It is magically delicious!

Next up is actually Best Bud’s Wife’s Sister – AmyMax who asked: ‘stick or automatic? Oh yeah, you said you raised your PLAMS in the air. What in the world are plams? : ) (can't wait to hear that one)’
Automatic. It’s much easier and you don’t have to use your left foot for that pesky clutch, although my left foot does fall asleep more now which can have dangerous repercussions as I furiously bang my left foot up and down on the floor board while driving. My first two cars were sticks and they were more fun to drive, but required more work. When I find myself missing driving a stick, I just grab the Coke bottle (or Pepsi to stay consistent with the answer to the Coke/Pepsi question) in the cup holder of my truck’s center console and pretend it is a stick shift. Try it. It really makes driving more fun. As for plams, it actually was a typo on my part, but I looked it up and it is an ancient fruit from Mesopotamia. No it isn’t. I made that up.

The Exception submitted a question this week that despite my better judgment, I am going to answer truthfully. She asked: ‘Do you know all the words to any ABBA songs? Which do you sing and dance to most frequently?
Well, here goes. I know all of the chorus to ‘Dancing Queen’ and believe that the only way to dance to it is to swing your arms out in the air and spin as you look to the sky. I mean, not that I do that, I just think that type of moves compliments the song. I also know some of ‘Fernando,’ but that’s because it makes me think of former Dodgers great Fernando Valenzuela.

Despite that fact that here number is so high, Employee No. 3699 is up next. Obviously, I didn’t choose to answer these questions in numerical order. This is partly because I cannot count to 3699. Here questions are: 1. Since I'm still fairly new coming here, what is it you do at work in between singing loudly and doing 'The Hustle'? 2. Can you describe yourself in one word?3 . And most importantly, what is your favorite cheese? 4. What will the winning lottery numbers be next week in Illinois?
In between singing and hustling, I am tasked AND charged (so you know how important that is) with selecting VP candidates for both parties. It’s a very tough job and the answer is yes, I do find the term Veepstakes very demeaning to what I do. The one word to describe myself is probably ‘lost,’ though I might need to change it to ‘wrong’ or ‘guilt-ridden-liar’ (I hyphenated it to make it appear as one single word) because I’m starting to feel pretty bad about making up the VP candidate job. In between singing and doing the hustle at work, I am usually found playing with my yo-yo or loading up a PEZ dispenser. And to answer her last question – the type of cheese that happens to be nearest me at any given moment is my favorite. The winning lottery numbers are going to be 5, 9, 0, 7, 4 and the bonus number of ‘G.’ Wait, that doesn’t seem quite right…

Mel Heth stopped by to ask: ‘If you could only have one cheese for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?'
Wow, that’s like the third question about cheese. Do I really mention the lovable dairy product that much. Yes, I’m kidding. I’ve still got water in my ears from the pool and its constant sloshing made me think that would be funny. If I could only have one, it would definitely be a basic medium cheddar. It compliments everything, except for celery. I hate celery.

Amy’s question was a good one. She asked: ‘Are your daughter's names really Lucy and Ethel? Or are those names to protect them?
No, that was how I referred to them after bringing them home from the hospital and it kinda stuck. It really is appropriate because they seem to have that same gal-pal relationship. Their actual names (and this is the first time I’ve ever used them on this blog) are Laverne and Shirley. Nah, making that up again. It’s Mary and Rhoda. Sorry, I just can’t stop. It’s habitual with me.

Natalie asked a particularly poignant question about parenting and since my daughters are far more mature than I am, don’t quote me on this answer. Natalie asked: ‘Why do people with kids get all up in arms about video games that are in no way shape or form for kids? Isn't it their responsibility not to let their kids have them?’
It is their responsibility, but I’m a little outta place answering this one because we only let the twins use the Wii. The only thing that gets me up in arms about that is when they beat me, which is on a fairly regular basis. And they still have yet to step foot in a real bowling alley. It smarts I tell ya! It is a little scary though that video games these days have to have ratings comparable to movie ratings.

Ok folks, those are all of my answers for the week, except for the one or two questions I am sure I missed. I hope it helps start your work week off right. You know what I find really helps get the work week going? Sleeping in, though not every employer thinks it's as good an idea as I do. Feel free to submit your burning questions for next Monday, though here’s a word of advice: if your questions are burning, you might want to see a doctor and seek treatment instead of waiting until next Monday…