The Appropriately But Not So Concisely Named Post About A Lot Of Stuff – Holiday Style

So much on the plate mentally speaking, thought wise and idea centric (what?) that I’m just going to start typing again and hope it all comes out in a somewhat cohesive and readable way. And the answer is yes, this is the same way I normally feel and act on Christmas Eve in anticipation of Christmas. So, this being 4th of July Eve, I am all a-flutter with ideas to share and anticipation to, uh, anticipate…

First off, I need to apologize to all of you for forgetting that July 2nd was Mullet Day. While I do not have a mullet, I feel it’s my responsibility to share such a holiday with you. Is it because I might be the least bit tempted to make 101 mullet jokes and puns? Quite possibly. Just promise me you will accept my apology for letting you down by inadvertently forgetting such a potentially great fake holiday.

However, I did not forget to tell you that today is Air Conditioning Day. I’m not sure if July 3rd has been researched and found as statistically being the most-used indoor cooling day of they year or if this day was picked randomly, but July 3rd is the day we are to celebrate our metal boxes of icey cooled-air ecstasy. If the day was selected randomly, I guess it’s appropriate given the fact that (and here is where I need to put up the Cliff Claven/Trivial Pursuit useless fact warning) July 2nd was the real day that the Declaration of Independence was adopted. Apparently one year and one day after - July 3rd 1777 - was when congress realized they should celebrate our Independence and decided to do so the following day, July 4th, 1777 to make up for forgetting to celebrate on the 2nd (are you still with me here?) and we have continued the ‘oh by the way we forgot to celebrate’ celebration every July 4th since. If you happen to be reading this on July 3rd in an artificially cooled space, be sure to raise a toast to your AC unit and wish it a happy AC Day. As my AC is quite possibly as old as I am and the people who sold my house to me worked a replacement AC into the deal, I have been searching for things to shove into my AC unit while it’s running so that I can get a new one. Needless to say, though I will say it anyway, wishing my AC unit a happy AC day won’t be as sincere as your wishes to yours. Oh yeah, July is AC Month, so you can just ignore most of this last paragraph and wish your air conditioning unit a happy AC month anytime you wish. Sorry, I guess I should have stated that fact a little earlier.

July is also Anti-Boredom month. Again, not real sure why July was given this honor as August doesn’t contain a national celebration requiring grilled meats and pyrotechnics and therefore automatically becomes more boring than July. And do I really need to state that March is considerably more boring than any other month I can think of. Obviously both of those months are boring enough to require an Anti-Boredom celebration, but the fake holiday gods have decreed this month as Anti-Boredom month, so we all just have to play along. Although for the record, any month where I have to work each Monday through Friday without a day off is by default boring, so I’d happily celebrate Anti-Boredom any day or any month of the year, but I’m easy and holiday whorish like that. While I’m not sure what the best way is to celebrate anti-boredom, I would assume it involves not being bored (see college paid off for me) to the point that you find yourself drooling or humming bad disco songs or hoping for Barney reruns because of the excitement that purple fun-loving dinosaurs can bring into our lives. I guess I’m going to need to take one of those non-paid holidays off that I talked about yesterday so that I can do something exciting. For me, that might equate to sailing or jumping off a huge sand dune or BBQ’ing without tongs and a spatula or showing up to work on time or meeting a deadline at the office or cheese making/cheese tasting or even trying to find my way home without my GPS device. Those would certainly not be boring. I would also like to computer program a fireworks show to Barry Manilow’s ‘Copacabana.’ I’m not sure a statement like that really fits into this discussion; it’s just that I watched a special about fireworks on PBS the other night and wanted to go ahead and get the thought out there with my birthday being a little less than six months away and all.

Lastly, tomorrow is July 4th, the day we celebrate being American and declaring our independence from Britain. As the day is Independence Day, I figured I should declare my independence from something. I chose work. Yep, I walked into the office this morning and declared my independence from my job. Unfortunately, a coworker actually called me out on it and asked aloud if that meant I was quitting. I chose to ignore the obvious excitement in his tone. Having to come up with a fast face saving answer, I told them that I had decided to celebrate my independence from work on Friday since we have the day off. It’s not quite the bold declaration I was striving for, but I have a brand new patio to pay off.

I guess that’s all I really have to say today, other than Happy belated Mullet Day, Happy Air Conditioning Day and Month, Happy Grilling Month, Ice Cream Month, Hot Dog Month, National Baked Beans Month and Blueberry Month. Obviously we have lots to celebrate, so enjoy your grilling and fireworks and swimming and mass televised mass consumption of hot dogs competition and cheese smelling (seriously, I can’t be the only one) and karaoking to Elvis’ patriotic medley and flag t-shirt wearing.


Happy 4th everybody and happy birthday to this great country of ours!!! Oh, and have a great weekend, too!!!