When Bragging Bites (Also Known As An Exercise In Futility Or When Karma Slaps You A Good One Thus Leaving You Nothing To Write About, And Stuff)

So earlier in the day, I was discussing the topic of writer’s block and how I think I’m suffering from it. I also mentioned that I had plenty of ideas; I just didn’t want to pursue them as blog posts. Basically, I was bragging about blogging, or more to the point, bragging about having too much to blog about (but that doesn’t sound near as catchy as bragging about blogging). Now, 4 hours later, my mind is as dry as something that has been subjected to a lot of heat and has all dried up. See, I really thought the dry comparison was going to turn out better, except for the fact that my writing is currently blocked. Dry as a riverbed? Dry as a chamois left in the midsummer’s heat? Dry as a can of Planters Dry Roasted Peanuts? Dry as a freeze dried apricot that really isn’t that dry when you bite into it? Let’s just say ‘dry.’ Or maybe barren. Yes, I think barren works well. Not like Baron as in Snoopy and the Red Baron though. That’s much more colorful than barren, which is not colorful, for the record.

I think I tired this scam plan a few weeks ago. So, I will again just keep writing until I think I’ve written enough. I am not writing for substance, it’s purely word count at this point. I can tell you that summer started with quite a buzz for me. I stepped on a bee while flying kites with Lucy and Ethel last night. Unfortunately at the time, I was across the entire length of the field from where the rest of my family was swinging. They could see me hobbling and undoubtedly heard my cursing and yelling. Sadly (and I guess a lifetime of me acting the way I do has deserved this), they thought I was joking and failed to come to my assistance. I don’t know if the normal routine in your life has ever created an opportunity where you have been tasked with reeling in a kite being blown by huge wind gusts while hopping on one foot and simultaneously trying to extract a bee stinger, but I can definitively tell you that it’s rough. I can also tell you that as I was hobbling through the field with the hind end of Mr. Yellow and Black still in my foot that I swore off honey as retribution. Quick question: do BBQ Honey Fritos really count as honey? I was also going to remove The Bee Movie from its current high rotation on Lucy and Ethel’s playlist, but then I realized that I stepped on the bee. It was only doing what it was genetically and evolutionarilylylylyly programmed to do. After all, look at it this way: Godzilla or Mothra are the mean ones who go about (go about? What the heck is that, British slang?) stepping all over small towns and metropolitan centers. The armies that get crushed and swept aside are merely defending themselves. So in the end, I forgave the bee, see? See what I did there with the b followed by c? It’s the little things that get me…hey that all rhymed.

And speaking of getting me. Have you had any of those ‘yep, I am now officially old’ moments? Take a video I was watching on the ole CMT this weekend as an example. On came a Kid Rock video I started grooving to (and there’s another phrase I thought I would never say, for many reasons). As it’s playing, I mention that the song ‘All Summer Long’ would need to be added to my Official Summer CD, which would mean burning a new version and making a new cover to reflect the addition of the new song and then having to give everyone I already gave a copy to an updated version of the new Summer CD, but I digress. I also comment about how it sounds a lot like ‘Sweet Home Alabama.’ As I am patting myself on the back for my prowess with musical similarities, I realize that a major part of the song is actually ABOUT ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ and even samples parts of it. That is when I began feeling aged. Not AARP aged, but ‘wow did Erin Gray from Buck Rogers and Silver Spoons look good’ aged. And again, I can add yet another thing to the list of things I never thought I would say, or write or even communicate through various clicking sounds or hand gestures.

And speaking of Silver Spoons and other old television shows, I recently came across a website that play many of the shows I grew up watching. I realized two things while staying up until the early morning watching them recently. I realized how much I miss the shows I grew up with and how much I missed (and still remembered) the themes from all of those shows. After just a few shows, I began fast forwarding straight to the theme song and then switching to a different show to hear its theme song. This made me realize what a short attention span I have. This wasn’t a total surprise to me. I mean I can only sit at my desk for about 5 minutes without having to get up and peek into my coworkers’ cubes to say something annoying to them and I’m still trying to finish a project that may or may not have been assigned to be in December or was it September? Those 2 months can sound very similar when you aren’t paying real good attention, by which I mean being awake, when they are uttered.

How many of you remember that the theme to The Fall Guy was actually sung my the 6 million dollar man himself? That’s a favorite sing along tune of mine, but it sadly seems to be missing from most karaoke catalogues. Then there’s the CHiPs theme song. To this day I still cannot go for a bike ride without that song running through my head. And what about the one from The A-Team? Seriously, was there ever a better song to accompany a series of explosions? I think not. And lastly, whenever I walk into the hospital (which is more often than I walk into a bowling alley or a good delicatessen, which is a very sad statement to make), I always have to hum the Emergency Theme. And then there’s Nurse McCall, who you may know better as Dixie. Severe my artery and call Rampart, was she pretty!!

So what is my point or lesson to be learned today? Well, one should never brag about having too many things to write about because you never know when those ideas will vanish into thin air. And nurse Dixie was hot. And bee stings sting hurt. I think there was also something about cheese. And if there wasn’t, there most certainly should have been.