Top Ten Things Overheard On My Family Road Trip

When I fully recover, next summer, I shall post about the mileage odyssey that was my recent family vacation road trip. Did you know that with three stops (1 to eat, 2 to see the redwoods and a third for a catnap at one of our state’s lovely rest areas) that you can drive from northern Oregon to southern California in only one day? Literally one full day. As in leave Oregon at 9 in the morning and walk in your front door at 9 the next morning. I now have a whole new appreciation for truckers, several of whom I may have inadvertently cut off during those last few harrowing hours of my zombie driving. Having seen the sunrise and sunset and sunrise again, I can’t help but wonder if the feelings I experienced are the same feelings astronauts experience with every full orbit around the earth. I’m pretty sure I saw a cow tap dancing with a llama about an hour north of Magic Mountain on Interstate 5, but then I was pretty loopy at the time and had was listening to a Spanish speaking radio station because that’s all that would come in…

10. No that’s not me. It’s the cows we are driving by.

9. Quit calling me Mommy because Mommy is driving and I’m not. Seriously girls, that hurts.

8. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, the twins want to listen to High School Musical again!

7. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, the twins want to watch the High School Musical DVD again!

6. Oh the DVD player stopped working right in the middle of High School Musical. What a shame!

5. We’re going to a cheese factory. Why? What type of question is why? Because they make cheese there. You’ll like it. Ok, here’s the deal: if you go and pretend to enjoy it, I’ll buy you an ice cream cone.

4. You know, you just don’t get to pull over on the side of the road and watch a cow give birth in Southern California. Of course if you did pull over, it would cause a Sig Alert.

3. No Ethel, that deer is just sleeping in the middle of the highway. I’m pretty sure they all do it.

2. Now that everything is all cleaned up and we’re back on the road again, I would like to state that for the record, Ethel’s elapsed time between saying she needed to hurl and the actual commencement of hurlfication was less than 2 minutes. We can now plan accordingly next time.

1. Ok, in my defense, I thought driving 18 straight hours would have more of a Smokey and the Bandit feel to it.