‘Verb’atim

Inspired by the recent uh, ‘adventures’ of my blog twin Meleah, I am going to begin working a new verb (or possibly two) into the English language. Since ‘man area’ hasn’t really caught on to describe the male anatomy (as in ‘I just got kicked in the man area’), I am going to try to leave my mark on our language with my new verb. Are you ready? The proposed new verb is ‘Liz Lemon. Verb: to find oneself in an embarrassing situation socially, the act of committing a social faux pas, messing up in public.’

Here, let me use it in a sentence. ‘She pulled a Liz Lemon when she was doing that impersonation of her boss eating like a pig, not realizing that her boss was behind her the entire time.’ Or, ‘Meleah did a big Liz Lemon when she tried to get into someone else’s car thinking it was hers.’ If you have seen 30 Rock, you will understand why I came out with the verb tense of ‘Liz Lemon.’ This is the same character that once realized she was dating her cousin when she went to her date’s apartment only to discover a picture of her own female relative on display there. Of course the act of committing a ‘Liz Lemon’ is a female only verb, just like the ‘a’ versus the ‘o’ in Spanish, like ‘Hola’ and ‘Holo.’ At least, I think that’s how it works in Spanish. You know what I mean: ‘Seniorita’ and ‘Seniorito.’

What is the male version of pulling a Liz Lemon, you ask? Well, it’s a ‘Michael Scott’ as in ‘Michael pulled a Michael Scott at work when he told his female coworker that he could really tell she was losing weight from behind.’ Or, ‘Michael did a Michael Scott when he gave his boss his blog address and then started blogging at work about work.’ In fact, I pulled a Michael Scott again at work today when I told everyone that this job could be done in only 3 hours a day, which is why I can go to Disneyland every night. I pulled a Michael Scott last week when I turned on our little battery operated coffee stirrer BEFORE it was submerged in my coffee and it shot java all over a coworker and his desk. That folks, is the epitome of the Michael Scott and Liz Lemon.

Let’s be honest, we all commit faux pas socially every single day. Have you ever argued a point over zealously, only to find that you had the facts wrong to begin with? That’s a ‘Liz Lemon.’ Did you ever try to pay a lady you know a comment but it comes out all wrong? Yep, you’ve pulled a ‘Michael Scott.’ Ever put something on a female coworker’s greeting card, tell another coworker about it and then they tell you that it’s kind of rude and you get caught trying to change the card before she reads it? Totally a ‘Michael Scott.’ Congratulate someone on being pregnant and then they tell you they aren’t? OOOOOOO, big ‘Liz Lemon’ there.

See, isn’t that much more fun to say than ‘social faux pas’ or ‘socially unacceptable but possibly unavoidable mistake?’ I sure think so. From personal experience, I can most certainly tell you that being called a ‘Liz Lemon’ or ‘Michael Scott’ is much, much better than being called a ‘Jack Ass.’ Really, who wants to just ‘goof up’ when you can romanticize it by calling it a ‘Liz Lemon?’ It just flows so beautifully, kind of like the way that ‘cheesy goodness’ ‘that’s how I roll,’ ‘Obama’ and ‘The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile’ do, don’t you think? Ok, I admit that last one was a little gratuitous. Though there’s nothing wrong with a little self promotion now and then.

I don’t know how much success I’ll actually have trying to cement these new verbs into the American cultural and linguistic psyche, but I am sure going to try. So Merriam and Webster, you can expect a call from me any day now. I’ll be the guy who identifies himself as Henry Kissinger. You can’t turn away Henry Kissinger and since you never know when Henry Kissinger might need to contact you, you’ll be forced to take my call. After all, refusing to take a former Secretary of State’s call because you doubt it’s him is quite the Liz Lemon, you know, if it actually WAS the real Henry Kissinger and all...


****And to continue the Meleah theme, there will be a little article at her site here on Wednesday. You may or may not recognize the author who comitted himself to writing this for her months ago, like in 2007.****