Random Bullet Shiny Things Wednesday

Ok, they’re random thoughts highlighted by bullets; I’m just trying to tie into our discussion of bullets from Q & A Monday. It’s that time of the week again where I spew forth useless knowledge, tips and maybe a recipe or two – a recipe for a good time, that is. Well, that was pathetic.

And here come the shiny things…

* Here’s a tip for you folks looking to get ahead at work. Stopping at Target on the way into the office (which will make you late) to buy Alan Jackson’s new CD, a bottle of Mountain Dew and a pack of gum (what I call the Trifecta) is not seen as a valid excuse for being tardy. But, it can qualify you to be a redneck (with all apologies to Jeff Foxworthy). I should have picked up that NASCAR magazine I saw just to top it all off. And if it helps, I ended up spilling the Mountain Dew down the front of my shirt and tie.

* Sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic behind a cement mixer with its chute pointed right at your windshield is not the most comforting thought. Yes I could change lanes, but then I wouldn’t have anything to write about.

* It’s a good thing to remember to shave on the day when you are going to be meeting the new VP of your department. If you DO happen to forget, just introduce yourself as the coworker you can’t stand.

* I love going for my morning walks or jogs (dependent of course on my relative level of laziness each morning). You get to smell the orange blossoms and the scents of wonderful bacon-adorned breakfasts wafting through the air, until you get to the street where you can smell the raw sewage. Then you get the challenge of running while holding your breath, which is NOT recommended or endorsed by the AMA.

* It’s a sad, sad day when you realize your 7-year-old office computer is faster than your 3-year-old home PC. Especially when you can’t use your office one for fun stuff like photo manipulation, blogging and drafting blueprints for the killer robot you are trying to make from the old food processor you took out of your mother’s garage sale box. I fondly call him ‘Slice.’

* I have discovered that the more twang that emanates from my office the further away my coworkers stay. Hey, that rhymed, though it wasn’t planned. I am trying really, really hard right now to not rhyme something with planned just to keep the streak going…

* When you find yourself excited and dancing to the Wiggles’ ‘Do The Owl’ when it comes on while your children are watching TV, it’s time to get more ‘grown up time.’ Although, it is pretty catchy, especially that ‘hoo hoo’ owl-sounding part.

* If cream and milk are both dairy products, then why is it that sour cream tastes so darn good but sour milk makes you want to shave your tongue with a new Gillette Mach 3 razor and empty your stomach with an industrial strength commercial grade pump used only for septic tanks? Oh yeah people, check expiration dates on your dairy products (especially whipped cream in a can, but that’s a different story for another day). They are there for a reason.

* What in the heck do you do when Female Coworker walks up to your desk (even when the twang is emanating) and out of the blue states that she ‘feels like she is having her period every 3 weeks now.’ Seriously, that’s what she said (Get it? The phrase is actually APPROPRIATE in this circumstance). Yeah, I had no response. She then told me that the look on my face was priceless and left. Our relationship will now never be the same, especially when she returned a few hours later just to tell me that her ‘flow ain’t flowing.’ Sadly, I was eating a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup at the time and will forever link that wonderful candy with her and her, uh, flow.

Well, that about does it for Bullet Shiny Things Wednesday. To keep with the bullet theme, I guess you could say that I’m out of ammo. For the record, I’m pretty sure this is different from ‘shooting blanks.’ Ya know, in case you were wondering…


****Useless Holiday Alert****
Be sure to come back tomorrow to see what useless holiday is on Thursday. Now you can’t say I didn’t give you enough warning. Hint: you’ll need a small piece of paper (or Post-It) and a Sharpie.