Q & A Monday (Except on the East Coast)

I dodged a bullet earlier today when for about 45 seconds after our lunch break I was Juror #8. Then the defense counsel exercised their right to have me excused. I’ve had a lot of people make excuses for me in my lifetime, but I never thought a lawyer would do it. I’ll never know for sure why I was dismissed, but it might have been due to the fact that one of the defense lawyers walked by us in the hallway as I was doing my George Bush Sr. impersonation. Or it might be related to the fact that I could not stop yawning while sitting in the jury box. I swear I wasn’t bored, I was just trying to see if I could get all the other jurors and prospective jurors to yawn. Whatever the reason, I haven’t been dismissed that quickly since my Senior Prom in High School. But enough about how I spent my day earning $15 from my friends at the Riverside County Courthouse; we’ve got more pressing matters to discuss.

It’s Q & A Monday and I gots me some questions to answer! Just a quick refresher of the rules and we’ll be off and running. OK, the rules are as follows: if you have stopped by to read this, you must leave a comment. Also, don’t ever refer to my answers as fact. I know they are fact and you know they are fact, but sometimes other people who are exposed to what I have to say tend not to be as willing to understand my logic. Yes, I’m talking to you HR Department where I work.

First up this week is Chefmom who asks: ‘What is the one deep fried food you could never live without? Or rather..What is your favorite deep fried food?’
I would rush to judgment and say fried cheese sticks, but in all fairness, I have yet to try deep fried lobster tail or deep fried Almond Joys. So, I’d better wait to answer until I have fully tested all of my deep fried possibilities. I am trying to figure out a way to produce deep fried coffee, but need a better binding agent…

Natalie asked a cheesy question. Wait, that might sound a bit rude. She asked a question about cheese. Her question was: ‘Why is it that when mold grows on most food we throw it out but when mold grows on cheese it becomes desirable and delicious?’
Wait, mold on foods other than cheese is a bad thing? Well hot damn, that explains why I keep getting those searing stomach pains after eating. Whew, I thought I had an ulcer or something. Seriously, I think the mold in cheese is a far superior strain of mold that helps the cheese age quickly because it is so superior. Its cousins, weaker mold, just breaks down and spoils food rather than ages it. Wow, where did that come from?

Frigga continued the cheesy goodness and asked: ‘What is your FAVORITE type of cheese?’
I would have to say whatever is in my fridge when I open it craving cheese. After all, when you really love something, you aren’t particular and don’t play favorites. But if I had to be stranded on a desert island with only one type of cheese, it would be Cheddar. I seriously don’t know how Gilligan and the other castaways did it. They NEVER mentioned cheese while stranded on that island…

Patti ALSO had a question about cheese. Gheesh, am I that one dimensional that all I do is make people want to ask me about cheese? No, don’t answer that. I just went back and read yesterday’s Cheese Sunday post. I guess I had it coming. Any hoo, Patti asked: ‘If beef jerky is like cheese to you, what, pray tell, is cheese like?’
Simply put, cheese is the manna from heaven. It’s other people’s cake…or liquor, but you can’t melt cake or liquor and make it all gooey and yummy-er, so it should show you just how ‘grate’ cheese is. And yes, I promise to stop using ‘grate’ instead of ‘great’ when mentioning cheese from now on. I also think I might give up cheese for Lent. Yes, I know there is only a week and a half of Lent left but that’s the only way I’ll get through a sacrifice like that.

Selma (who let me know about the grate great Cheese Sunday in Macedonia) has not one, but an impressive two questions this week. They are:
1. Has anyone ever spread a rumour about you?
Yes, some fool once called me a student with a lot of potential. That rumor dogged me all throughout high school. Teachers can be so cruel.
2. What's your favourite tongue twister?
It is: ‘I like going to work in my drab cubicle all day long, ever single day, over and over again.’ A sentence that is difficult to say is the sign of a good tongue twister, right?

Odat had a question of a scientific nature. She asked me: ‘Do you think there really is a man in the moon?’
Well, I don’t think so. Let’s face it; if there was a man in the moon, NASA most certainly would have detected him making a dirty joke or winking creepily at some pretty dame by now. Based on that lack of hard evidence, I am going to say there is definitely no man in the moon.

Well, that concludes another installment of Q & A Monday. Now if you’ll excuse me, for some reason I have an overwhelming urge to go eat cheese. I’m thinking Colby Jack. Wow, is that not a grate great name for a boy? I got dibs!!!!!