Happiness Is. Or Isn’t…

Happiness is a bunch of stuff. It’s fun being happy. It’s also fun saying things that you know will agitate your coworkers, it’s fun getting to Disneyland in the evening when there are 4 times as many people coming towards you to leave as there are going in with you and it’s a whole lot of fun teaching two little 5-year-old girls how to say ‘that’s what she said.’ Here is some more stuff that equals happiness, at least to me, because something tells me that your list might differ slightly, as in a lot:

Happiness is lowering the basketball hoop as low as it can go when no one is looking so you can pretend your low post moves are as good as Shaq’s, before you twist your ankle.

The exact opposite of happiness is making a long basketball shot from the street and there is no one around to witness it. Ok, it was an unplanned bank shot, but I’m still counting it!

Happiness is opening the fridge and the first two things you see are a block of cheese and some corn tortillas. Though I’ll admit that it’s a little weird when they start calling out to me.

The exact opposite of happiness is getting out the cheese and the tortillas with grand thoughts of quesadillas floating in your head only to find that the cheese has mold.

Happiness is flipping through the channels after a hard day’s work and finding that there is a Clipper game on that you had forgotten about AND Lucy and Ethel are content playing outside with the dog.

The exact opposite of happiness is finding a Clipper game on TV after a hard day at work and then realizing it is the Clippers and they are going to lose by 25 points.

Happiness is walking across your freshly mowed lawn knowing that at least for that day, you have the nicest lawn on the block. You’ll feel like a king, I tell ya!

The exact opposite of happiness is walking across your freshly mowed lawn and then discovering 4 new gopher holes that you swear were not there 30 minutes ago and are starting to make your lawn resemble the surface of the moon.

Happiness is looking at your TiVo recorded list and seeing that there is a John Wayne movie that you forgot you had taped. Well, Pilgrim, I kinda like when that happens…

The exact opposite of happiness is sitting down in front of the TV only to catch the end credits of your favorite movie.

Happiness is waking up in the morning with one of the best blog post ideas you’ve ever had. Yes, it probably deals with cheese, Tina Fey or being the only grown up in the bounce house.

The exact opposite of happiness is realizing you should have written down the greatest blog post idea you have ever has as soon as you woke up.

Happiness is being the only adult in the bounce house and getting to relish (mmmmm, relish) the joys of being a kid again.

The exact opposite of happiness is being the only adult in the bounce house, falling awkwardly because you are now too dizzy and being responsible for collapsing the bounce house and incurring the wrath of 10-little kids…and their parents.

Happiness is being contacted by a newspaper syndicate with the offer of a nationally syndicated daily column.

The exact opposite of happiness is making up a story about being offered a syndicated newspaper column just to impress an old high school acquaintance and then being asked by said acquaintance when it will be published.

Happiness is hearing Female Coworker sing ‘It’s a hard knock life’ incorrectly as ‘It’s a hard ‘nuff life’ and getting to correct her.

The exact opposite of happiness is having to explain to all of your coworkers how you happen to know the correct version of that ‘Annie’ song.

Happiness is female coworker asking at lunch if anyone wants to eat her muffin (I swear I’m not making that up).

The exact opposite of happiness is getting ready to say ‘That’s what she said’ to female coworker and then realizing your boss is right there saying ‘don’t say it, Michael.’