Display Your Name Proudly

Thursday is Name Tag Day. As usual, I can only find the existence of the day and nothing about how we should celebrate it. I'm guessing it has something to do with wearing nametags though. Yes, it’s that type of deductive logic that allows me to realize I am burning BEFORE I see the flames on me instead of AFTER I see them like those cartoon characters who think they are so cool. Ditto with falling off cliffs.

In honor of Name Tag Day, I am going to create a special nametag for me to wear in the office all day on Thursday. I want it to catch everyone’s attention and explain a little more about me at the same time. However, I won’t resort to bedazzling it with beads and baubles and other glitzy gimmicks like that. Actually, I can’t. I have no idea what a bauble is. I know what a BOBBER is, but I doubt a piece of fishing tackle would look good on a nametag, or smell good for that matter. And let’s face it, if I smell like fish bait, it won’t matter what my nametag says.

Maybe the world would be a better place if we all wore nametags. Imagine how great it would be to be able to address everyone by their first name, or whatever they chose to put on their nametag. I mean let’s face it; not everyone is going to play by the rules. Some are going to ruin it for everybody and put something else on their nametags. This is where I must admit that I am one of those people. I’m usually partial to using either Enrique, Uranus McGee or Gladys.

I don’t know what it’s like in your part of the world, but in Southern California, people often seem kinda rude. I try to smile and greet everyone who approaches me, but the gesture is not returned very often. They just keep walking and try not to make eye contact with me. They do know that I can see them from 30 feet away, right? It’s not like I can miss them as they get closer. Now if I could see their name and greeted them by using it as we approached, I’m sure I would get some type of reaction. I realize many of these reactions could end up being yelled with very inappropriate verbs preceding my name, but at least I wouldn’t be ignored. Yeah ignorance may be bliss, but ignoring is just rude. I got that off a fortune cookie. No I didn’t. I made it up. The fortune cookie would have said something like ‘those who remain ignorant enjoy endless bliss but those who ignore endure endless loneliness. 3, 8, 31, 43, 55, 88.’

What is the point of all of this? The point is to celebrate Name Tag Day by wearing a nametag so that everyone can get to know everyone else just a little better. It’ll be like handing everyone you see one of those candy hearts at Valentines that have nice and condescending little sayings or questions on them like ‘Be Mime,’ (oh wait, there may have been a smudge on that one) just without the candy hearts with the sayings on them. But still, it’s pretty much the same thing.

Since the big wigs are visiting us this week, I chose a nametag that will say everything about me that the people in positions of power within our company could ever need to know. My nametag will say:

M otivated to do work stuff and never, ever use the company computer for personal endeavors
I intrepid, but not like the crappy Dodge sedan
C ustomer oriented, but only when I have to be
H elpful, but not a booty kisser
A ctive as in pro-active
E nergetic, without being hopped up
L eader, but not in the ‘I am going to get everyone together to revolt’ type of way

I realize that my nametag will have to be at least the size of an index card to convey all of this about me, but once I put a wooden pine border around it and maybe have Lucy and Ethel decorate it, no one will notice. Do I expect a raise or promotion from this nametag? Of course not, but I do expect that for just one day, Name Tag Day, people who have never met me will know my name and just a tiny bit about me.

So hello, my name is Michael. Happy Name Tag Day!