It Gave Birth To A What???

According to the AP, scientists in Japan have created an eight story prehistoric dinosaur that turned on its creators, trampled downtown Tokyo and then promptly walked into the sea to retire. Ok, I made that up, but what scientists in Japan did do is equally as intriguing, if not as cool. Basically in layman’s terms, they injected baby salmon with ‘sperm growing cells from trout.’ Yes, that’s right, the salmon then grew up and gave birth to trout. Not salmon, not tuna, not Mothra, but trout. Like the trout we go fishing for…and they came from Salmon. Yep, salmon having trout babies. Or ‘Salmout’ babies, if you will. I just want to make sure you understand here: trout that comes from salmon. OK, we can move on now.

The scientists hope that this ‘surrogate fish baby rearing giving birth to a species that you aren’t’ thing will help save endangered fish species. The story goes on to say that scientists next hope to get trout to give birth to salmon and mackrels to give birth to tuna. Now many of you who know me and read my posts regularly know what’s coming next. Yep, I am now going to lay before you my wishes for other birthing food combinations. Surely if we can get fish to spawn different species, we can do the same for other animals.

First up would be my never-ending quest of trying Turducken some day (thanks a lot for putting that idea in my head, Ms. Paula Deen). Turducken is a chicken stuffed inside of a duck stuffed inside of a turkey. Obviously this is a little different from one fish spawning another, but what if the turkey could give birth to a half chicken/half duck (or a ‘chuck’). Then you could raise the turkey and the chuck together and at least save a little time only have to stuff one dead fowl into another instead of having to stuff two into a third. Although now that I am writing all of this, I’m finding Turducken a little less appealing.

OOOOOOOOh, how about getting a lobster to spawn scallops and crabs to spawn fried shrimp? OK, I understand that they cannot be born fried, but I mean the ‘just small enough for the all you can eat fried shrimp’ variety of shrimp. I think their scientific name is ‘Eatus Moreus.’ It would make harvesting all that seafood so much cheaper while also making it so much more plentiful. And speaking of cheaper, why not just go ahead and do what we are all thinking: get goldfish to spawn lobster. Then we wouldn’t have to worry about there being enough lobster roaming the seas and it would be so much more inexpensive. After all, doesn’t Wal-Mart sell goldfish for like 98 cents? It could give rise to an entirely new industry called Lobster Farming. Oh wow, I just found the job I was destined to have. I could buy a house with a swimming pool (because gold fish can survive nuclear holocausts and all, so swimming pools would work, uh, swimmingly) and raise lobster-bearing goldfish. I could make the lobsters so much more affordable and even more plentiful. Then, we could dine on lobster every night for a fraction of today’s market value. I’d be like Forrest Gump with his Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. Though to spare you, I will resist the temptation of listing all the ways you could cook lobster…even though I really, really want to.

And who says that it has to be limited to seafaring creatures. Imagine what could be done with smaller four legged animals like goats and sheep. Since they take up less room, they could give birth to cattle and we could produce more and then reduce the price of beef…and milk…and, oh my God, CHEESE!!!!!! Could you imagine if we could get pigs to give birth to cattle but the offspring were engineered to still have both the pork and beef taste? It would be like giving birth to little compact, ready to go bacon wrapped filets.

Whoa, I think I’m about to pass out with all of these possible combinations! I really need to start eating three square meals a day…

Did anyone else notice that 30 Rock won the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series? By the hammer of Thor, I missed my chance to see Tina Fey accept the award. Blurg!!!!! (Of course if you have never watched it, then those two obscure references mean nothing…so you should probably try and catch the award winning show this year)

And a very big Happy B-Day goes out today to one of my comedic idols, Fred Willard!!!!!!