They Actually Had To Do A Study For This???

OK, I just finished reading a Reuters news story that said researchers in Canada have discovered that young male students do better when being tutored in reading by female tutors rather than male tutors. The boys that were studied were in the third and fourth grades. Uhhhh, isn’t that when boys start to really ‘discover’ the fairer sex?

I wonder if the study involved watching Van Halen’s ‘Hot For Teacher’ video. There is also a nice tutoring scene in Adam Sandler’s ‘Billy Madison’ that comes to mind too! Were the results of this study really a surprise? Yeah the male tutor could use things like sport analogies and high fives to connect with his student, but all the female tutor has to do is show up and speak in soft dulcet tones.

Yes I’m probably being sexist here, but if I had to be tutored for work (ok, it’s more like WHEN I need to be tutored for work), I would pay a lot more attention to the female work tutor than I would the man. Although, if the man liked NASCAR and had a real appreciation for the miracle that is the deep fryer, I’ll admit that we would not get much done because we’d be talking about what a God Dale Earnhardt was, what a little girly boy Jeff Gordon is and try to one up each other with stories of the greatest things we have ever tried to deep fry. Now if the work tutor was a woman who was paying attention to me (if only because she was being paid to help me become a better worker), I would most certainly give her more attention than the guy. I’d probably hang on her every word and become more productive over night.

Then there’s the chance that the whole thing would backfire and I’d actually tank the learning so that I’d get to spend more time with my female tutor. That’s just a joke because I’m not really THAT bad of a guy, I swear. Unless the female tutor could name several NASCAR tracks and smiled at the mention of things like bounce houses. Then who could blame me for wanting to learn more? OK, I got lost in my thoughts for a moment…what was I writing about? Yes, that’s right, the study that showed boys learn more from female tutors. Hmmmm, a bunch of awkward hormonal kids spending one on one time so close to a woman? Yeah, the tutor would have their full attention. I hope this wasn’t a very expensive study!

Speaking of recent published study results, I came across another one yesterday. I logged into my internet account last night ready to visit my favorite blogs, download pictures of cheddar and Colby Jack cheese for my cubicle walls and to catch a few 30 Rock episodes on Youtube. But what did I encounter before that? An unclothed very elderly couple seen from the shoulders up in a deep and uh, loving embrace. It was awkward to see and then it got even more awkward when I read the headline that accompanied the photo: ‘Study reveals the elderly are having more sex than thought.’

Uh, um, whoa, gee, well, oh boy…I’m speechless. The last time I was this speechless I was under general anesthesia. Explain to me why this was so important for me know. How was this study conducted? More importantly, WHY was this study conducted? You know what, I just can’t continue with this. Can we just come to an agreement and declare that whatever happens in these ‘experienced’ couples’ Craftmatic Adjustable old people’s beds stays in their Craftmatic Adjustable old people’s beds?