Things I Learned This Week: 5-5-07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason it never makes me look good. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 4/29/07-5/5/07.

After my 300th post yesterday, I was tempted to stop writing weekly about all the things that made me look stupid during the past week, but I just couldn't help myself. I seem to be such an easy target...

! I learned that there are just certain things that should not be said when the boss joins us all for lunch. Fortunately, the entire staff learned this one.

! I learned that it’s not a good idea to compare a voicemail I received from upper management to one received from Alec Baldwin.

! I learned that ordering sauce soaked ribs for Lucy and Ethel at my favorite BBQ joint is in no way a good idea, no matter how much they profess to want them. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I sure as heck hope that all the things that the label on the stain remover bottle says are true.

! I learned that when Female Coworker is following me to a work function she gets easily agitated when I turn on my windshield wiper cleaner every time she tailgates me. She may be planning her revenge, but seeing her yell at me and give me certain ‘fingertory salutes’ through my rearview mirror was so worth it.

! I learned that electric toothbrushes aren’t the best things for two four year olds. This is especially true when I walk back into their bathroom and there are little toothpaste spots all over them and the mirror because they thought ‘making it snow’ was fun. Man, those things have a lot of RPMs.

! I learned that stealing the centerpiece off of my table at our work’s annual awards luncheon and placing it in my office has given me a cult like status among my coworkers. I also learned that the next time upper management comes by, I have to hide it.

And lastly,

! I learned that if I try teaching Lucy and Ethel how to hit a ball off of a tee long enough, it will indeed provide a ‘Funniest Home Videos’ crotch shot moment.