Do You Hear What I Hear?

Did you hear about the AP story of the boy who went to the doctor because he heard a popping in his ears? On the surface, that’s no big deal, until you get to the part where the doctor flushed out two spiders, one dead and one living. The popping he heard was the spiders moving across the boy’s eardrum. The two spiders were given to the boy as a souvenir. He took them to school and his mom took them to work. Apparently, there are no long-term side affects from providing housing in your ear cavity for arachnids.

It reminds me of the joke that ends with the doctor saying the good news is we got it out, but the bad news is that it had babies…I think it’s from Wayne’s World. But then again, so is the word ‘Schwing.’

What the story failed to address was the lack of concern that the boy or his family felt about this incident. Oh yeah, and the fact that no one seems worried that spiders just up and entered a random kid’s ear canal like a honeymoon couple in Venice (that’s a veiled canal reference for those of you who keep score at home). I can’t help but also think of Star Trek 2 where the ear bug things were put into someone’s ear and kept growing until they emerged much larger than when they went in. And that folks is why I have to wear earplugs when I try to sleep at night.

When you stop to think about it, it’s a little (OK, very) scary that something can just walk into someone’s ears. I’m just glad I’m not a heavy sleeper. Think about all the entry points on your head for spiders, bugs, ants, termites and maybe even small furry woodland creatures. You’ve obviously got the ear openings, there’s the nostrils and many people sleep with their mouths open. That is more entry points to sneak into then our country’s borders have.

The excuse potential here is great though. Think of how many days of work you could get out of by claiming that something snuck into your body while sleeping. You could attribute any side effect you wanted to that type of illness. Forgot to turn in that important quarterly report last week? That’s ok; a moth flew into your ear and is feeding on your memory. Did you tell your significant other something unforgivably stupid? Don’t sweat it, the honeybee in your sinuses is the reason you lost all sense of right or wrong. Just pulled over for speeding? The hummingbird that flew into your mouth while you were napping on your hammock altered your perception and sensation of speed. You could not have possible realized you were going 89 in a 35 mile per hour zone. You thought you were doing a safe 27 miles per hour.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that you apply a Breathe Right strip, prevent your jaw from being able to close while sleeping or open the bedroom windows before turning out the lights tonight. Well, that is unless you forgot to prepare for that big staff meeting. Man I wish I had thought of that before I got to work today.

Although, I have had an annoying ringing in my right year since December 2005…