Put On A Happy Face

In case you didn’t notice, today is Great American Grump Out day. It was established so that we can all be cheery and not grumpy today. Now who in the heck thought of such a stupid day?! I mean seriously, why would anyone want to parade around intentionally trying to be happy? How can I not be grumpy when I had to work today in my dumb little cubicle with no windows, it’s only half way through the week and it’s cloudy and cold? Unbelievable!! It’s May in Southern California and it’s cloudy!

Oops, I guess I’m out. Now I’ll have to wait until next year’s Great American Grump Out Day.

Figuring that I blew my chance at being grump free, I decided to devote the rest of my day to ensuring that everyone I knew was as happy and non-grumpy as could be. The first place for me to start? Yep, my twins Lucy and Ethel. I walked into their room this morning, pulled their covers back and wished them a happy Great American Grump Out Day. My greeting was received with whines, moans and some whimpering. Gheesh, four year olds can be so immature. I guess it could be because I woke them up at 5AM this morning, but to me, the payback was well deserved.

I walked into work this morning and triumphantly announced that I was celebrating Great American Grump Out Day. I was met by a chorus of moans in unison (and somehow perfectly on key) by my entire office. When I told them that wasn’t appropriate behavior for this holiday, I was offered the chance to either return to my cubicle or the challenge of removing a stapler from some place I can’t mention here. I don’t believe I have done anything to contribute to my coworkers’ grumpiness, well except for one of the girls in our office. Apparently, she doesn’t appreciate me and my office mate Mr. Lay Low taking daily photographs of how poorly she parks her Mustang and posting them on my office wall. I guess she’s going to be really grumpy when we have compiled enough data to formulate a graph…

Undeterred, I went down to the donut shop we frequent so that I could share the merriment with the old guy behind the counter. On the way there, I encountered an older woman walking back from the grocery store in our strip mall. I bowed my head, flashed my personable smile and wished her a happy Great American Grump Out Day. She actually tried to hit me with her bag of canned soup. Thankfully, I have the reflexes of a cat. Unfortunately on this day, they turned out to be the reflexes of a fat pregnant cat with arthritis.

When I finally got to the donut shop, I noticed that the two retirees that like to sit and argue about who has more ailments over coffee and donuts were there too, so I thought this would be a great chance to make some real movement with Great American Grump Out Day. I struck out again. The donut guy said that if I wasn’t going to buy anything he wanted me to leave. It didn’t help my cause when the two retirees laughed at me like the old balcony guys from The Muppets. This Great American Grump Out Day stuff is not as popular as I thought it would be.

Well, when all else fails, you can turn to your family. So, I called my brother to wish him a happy Great American Grump Out Day. After I reminded him of who I was, he mumbled something about me not having called him since Christmas. I don’t think he liked the excuse that I haven’t called him in over 5 months because I hadn’t needed anything from him since then. He mumbled something and then hung up. I had no one else to turn to except for the one phone number in the world that I can dial when I need support – my parents. I called them but my brother must have gotten to them first because my Mom gave me a lecture about not calling my brother since Christmas. She then read off a list of other things I have done like not bringing the twins to see her for so long, how I don’t look as good when I buzz my hair and something about some money I borrowed back in ’98.

Have you ever gotten the feeling that you just should not have gotten out of bed? It seems that despite my efforts to stamp out grumpiness, I actually fostered it. I feel like bad manure on a field of weeds with poor irrigation. Never one to give up, or give up too quickly (like in less than 15 minutes), I tried to be as good an ambassador for Great American Grump Out Day as I could possibly be. I put up a large banner outside of my cubicle that read ‘Smile, It’s Great American Grump Out Day,’ complete with lots of yellow happy faces. I was shocked when I returned from lunch and saw that someone had crossed out my banner and wrote ‘You suck.’

Well $#$#$#&$&$#@$#$#@#$ Great American Grump Out Day….