The Big 3-0-0

In sports, hitting the 300 milestone is a big deal. The great and average hitters in baseball are separated by whether they can hit for a .300 average. The great pitchers in the game become legendary hurlers when they can win 300 games. In bowling, 300 is a perfect game. Coincidentally, 300 is just about the number of strong blows I’ve taken to my head since birth. I have to admit that most of the blows are my fault, with a few exceptions. The blows numbered 21-31, 58-68, 72-82, 101-111, 141-151, 237-237, 254-264 and 277-287 were the result of stairs. In addition, numbers 12, 13, 14, 68, 79, 90, 134 and 243 were courtesy of my brother. At any rate, 300 is also the number of this blog post.

I had a huge 300th post extravaganza planned befitting this momentous occasion. Unfortunately, I ran into a few snags. My original plan included having monkeys type today’s post, but it turns out that my home is not zoned for working monkeys. The more I thought about, I really didn’t want them touching my computer anyway. So, in lieu of having my 300th post extravaganza, I have been reduced to describing it to you.

My extravaganza was going to begin with Kermit the Frog doing his best Alec Baldwin voice mail message impersonation where at the end he would congratulate me on 300 posts. Then we would have opened the curtain on me performing with the 2 surviving Gibbs brothers to do a special version of their Bee Gees hit, ‘How Deep Is Your Love,’ re-titled ‘How Bad Is Your Blog.’ Next would have been the roundtable discussion of some of my past posts with my favorite bloggers and luminaries like Don Rickles and Condoleeza Rice. Of course, you could never have an anniversary extravaganza without a blooper reel so there would have been outtakes from some of my personal favorite posts. Granted there aren’t any, but I could have written some up for the big celebration.

Hour 4 of my extravaganza would have been when things really got going. My coworkers and I were going to reenact some of my past posts like my Monday/Funday Initiative and some of my worst ‘Things I Learned This Weeks.’ The big show was also going to feature the first public viewing of the musical version of ‘Welcome Back Kotter’ that I have been working on starring Squiggy as Horshack. After that, I was going to debut the first song from my Opera treatment of The A-Team. I’m very proud of how my aria ‘I Love It When A Plan Comes Together’ turned out and could hardly wait for everyone to hear it. I still think my casting of Bob Newhart as Hannibal was a stroke of genius.

The finale would have been a real tearjerker and showstopper. It was a big musical number with Lionel Richie and Bing Crosby singing ‘Brick House’ and ‘All Night Long,’ inspired by American Idol’s Celine Dion/Elvis duet (which I still can’t believe they did, but my 300th post is not the place to resume that rant). Yep, it’s too bad I didn’t get the chance to celebrate my 300th blog in such a fashion. My next blogging milestone will be towards the end of next month when I mark one year of blogging. I’ve got one hint for that post…pigs on stilts.

On the serious side, I want to thank everyone who takes the time to read what I write. It means a lot. Over the last 11 months, I feel like I have made several new friends - some who have been stopping by here from early on and some newer visitors. It’s a neat feeling to get to comment and read stuff from people all over the country…and the world. I must like blogging because it has consumed so much of my time since I started. You know I blog a lot when my 4 year olds Lucy and Ethel use the phrase (sarcastically, I might add) ‘oh look, Daddy’s on his computer again.’ I see an intervention in my future.
Well, there you have it, my 300th blog post. Looking back, it reminds be of the other 299 posts. It was just 700 wasted words generally about nothing, and certainly about nothing worthwhile…