Why Yes, I Do Chew Wrigley’s Doublemint Gum.

I was all set to celebrate the fact that today is ‘Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day’ but as I sat down to write about it, I couldn’t create any quirky titles I wanted to share with you. The best I could come up with today was ‘I Liked You Better When I Thought You Were A Woman’ or ‘Yes I’m Your Mother-in-Law, But You’re My Stepson.’ I then thought about just writing down the lyrics of Barbara Mandrell’s ‘Sleeping Single In A Double Bed’ but I can’t think of anyone who would actually enjoy that, although it is a great quirky title.

As my mind continued to try and pilfer a writing idea from the news or the workplace, I decided that I would focus on what at times has been my greatest source of laughter and amusement. No, I am not talking about the jealous astronaut in diapers, The Hoff or Oprah’s latest book club pick. I mean being a parent to my identical twin four-year-old daughters, Lucy and Ethel. Of course those aren’t their real names, their real names are Laverne and Shirley. Yes, I’m kidding. We thought that was too cruel so we went with Marcia and Jan. I wanted Ginger and Mary Ann but we feared that Mary Ann might get an inferiority complex. Yes, still kidding.

Seriously, since Natalie from Almost Interesting Musings On Life nominated me for the Thinking Blogger Award (Thank you very much Natalie! I’ll make my 5 nominations as soon as I can), I figured I better compose something semi-literate and quasi-smart today. Whew, who knew it would be so tough. I think I passed out twice trying to write something tonight.

It seems that the world of twindom is all around me. I had twin Uncles, my boss has twin boys, a longtime coworker has twin sons, another coworker just had a family member who gave birth to twins (I realize that sounds like a stretch), good friends of ours who live a few minutes away have twin boys and my wife’s best friend just gave birth to twins. My wife also knows several women with twins around town. Oh wait, that might be due to the fact that she joined a local mother of twins club. At times I fear I’ll suffer from double vision.

Early on, we realized we were into something different and unique with this twin thing. A routine trip to the grocery store became a major social event as all the elderly ladies around us realized we were hauling around twins. I can remember it now, ‘oh, are they twins? They look so cute. You know my niece Susie has twins, but they’re boys.” We would also get to hear ‘Are they identical? They look so alike.’ I found the best response to this one was ‘Um. yeah, sure. I’ve never really looked before.’ This usually appalled the biddies enough to let me get back to the red meat aisle to finish my drooling…I mean shopping. I can remember the pride I felt the first time I took them out by myself to meet the wife at our friends’ home. I clothed them, prepped them and transported them safely to their destination. Of course at that destination, I was greeted with ‘you dressed them in that? They look like boys and their shoes are on backwards.’ It was my finest moment.

For some reason, around the 21/2-year mark, the cute novelty of having twins wore off with the general public. I then found myself looking longingly at blue haired ladies waiting for them to comment on my cute offspring, but it just didn’t happen as much anymore. Around the 4-year mark the interest in them picked up again. Though some may argue it’s because Lucy and Ethel are now capable of saying things like ‘Daddy, that’s just not funny’ or ‘what stinks? Is that you Daddy’ while we are out together, I think it’s because they are so cute. For the record, I don’t think there is anything funny about a 33 year old being corrected by a 4 year old.

I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have only had one child. Lucy and Ethel are each other’s constant playmates which allows me the important time to unwind at the end of the day by doing things like blogging, watching sports, drinking water and even breathing. From sun up to sun down our home is filled with the delightful sounds of giggling at made up words only the two of them can comprehend, the humor of adding the word ‘booty’ to the end of any sentence or song and the general glee of two companions who have never known life without the other. Of course, there is also the double whining about bedtime, arguments over who picked the last movie they got to watch, whose stuffed animal is browner, who hit who first and the real causes of global warming. Ethel contends it’s Al Gore’s house, but that’s beside the point.

Oh, the number of nights that I have fallen asleep listening to arguments over whose pillow is fatter or the correct lyrics to Disney classics such as ‘The Bear Necessities,’ which apparently is pronounced ‘The Bear Nesesames.’ We are treated daily to philosophical discussions about fish death, why kitty keeps vomiting, Mickey Mouse, what colors combine to make pink and how green tea tastes like Apple Juice. It seems like I woke up one morning as the father to two 45 year olds. I swear if I let them, Lucy and Ethel could stomp grapes into wine. While that might sound like a biblical reference, believe me it is not.

If you haven’t been able to tell, I love being the father to Lucy and Ethel. I would not have it any other way than getting to raise two little mirror images. My heart delights at the things I get to look forward to over the next several years. Here come 2 first dates, 2 Junior Proms, 2 first cars, 2 Senior Proms, 2 college tuitions and possibly 2 weddings. Wait a minute, now I am seeing double. Where did I put the Vicodin and Vitameatavegemin?