Work – Where People Come Together

Perhaps it’s the fact that 30 Rock and The Office are finally new this week (they aren’t on yet, get back here), but I feel like sharing the latest in my office with you all. As you know, I suck excel at coworker relations. Though to be honest, I thought it would be boring and quiet (which means peaceful) with Female Coworker in Texas for the week. That is until two of my coworkers, Mr. Laylow and Ms. I Want To Go To Mime School gave me a present.

There are a few things I should mention first that will help set the scene. First, our boss was on vacation, two, it was late in the afternoon and finally, NO gift is given in our office without it making fun of someone or to mockingly celebrate some unfortunate mishap, achievement or occurrence. Why yes, I’ve received a lot of these gifts, why do you ask?

The minute I received my gift, I recognized it immediately (this is where the picture gets all wavy and fuzzy as we prepare for a flashback. Join me, won’t you, as we travel back in time a few months to explain where I remember my gift from). It was the battery operated water fountain in the highly detailed and exquisitely photographed picture to the left. Looks pretty snazzy, doesn’t it? Would you believe me if I told you that Ms. I Want To Go To Mime School bought it for $2.97 at the ‘Cheapy But Not Cheapy Enough To Qualify For Dollar Store Status’ store? She bought it right after Christmas and was just so excited that at the time she had to share her great find. I must have been the only other one in our office that day because she shared her find with me. Well, when we opened it after Christmas, it didn’t work. I know that’s a surprise to you. Then we put water in it. It still didn’t work though, but you’re gonna give us an ‘A’ for effort, right? That’s the spirit of our office team; we are always looking outside the box to overcome our challenges.

At the time, Ms. I Want To Go To Mime School was determined to return her cheap water fountain back to the store to get her less than three dollar refund. Mr. Laylow and I convinced her how embarrassing it would be to try and return a $2.97 item and told her it could probably be fixed. It turns out that a little wire wasn’t connected right and when we attached it properly (and yes, put water back into it) it worked just fine. It lit up and had 5 little jets of water shooting out, which made a wonderful ‘is someone urinating in here’ sound about it. If you’re into lavatories or hanging out in public restrooms, then I’m pretty sure you’d find it to be a very relaxing addition to your home or workspace.

Ok, the flashback is over. Join me now as we return to present day. I filled up the fountain and excitedly switched it on. Much to my horror (ok, that’s a little too dramatic), much to my surprise (well, that’s just an outright lie, I mean the thing was less than 3 bucks), much to my noticement (is that a word), it barely worked. There was only one stream instead of the 5 that were intended. And even worse, that one stream wasn’t even enough to reproduce the sound of bodily relievement.

I asked out loud ‘did you give me a broken water fountain on purpose?’ At the same time, Mr. Laylow and Ms. I Want To Go To Mime School both said that it worked just fine before they gave it to me. Ms. I Want To Go To Mime School then said she had spent the last few days eagerly awaiting when she would be able to give me my present. That is when I asked ‘was that before or after you realized it didn’t work?’ They both swore again that it worked fine before it was given to me and said that if I believed the damage was done prior to my receiving it that I was free to provide documentation of such and present the case to my boss. They argued that the water-spotted mirror on the water fountain was proof of its prior operational condition. I counter-argued that the little mirror looks like my twins’ bathroom mirror after I let them use their electric toothbrushes without supervision. EVERYONE in the office pointed out that what I said wasn’t really an argument but more of a statement that really didn’t support my position. I in turn stated ‘that’s what she said.’

At this point, Ms. I Want To Go To Mime School came into my office and took the water fountain back. Feeling an impending defeat as she began to storm out of my office with my former gift in hand, I said the only thing I could think of: ‘do you have any more of those yummy Reeses’ Peanut Butter eggs?’ That whole mime school thing must really be working out because without saying a word, the look on her face told me EXACTLY what she was thinking.