Time To Go Exploring

Exploring is fun. Exploring is exciting. Exploring is perhaps the most enjoyable of all the words that begin with ‘ex.’ I offer as examples (oh hey, that’s another one and that wasn’t even intended) exit, excruciating, excavate, ex-boss, ex-girlfriend, ex-person I used to hang out with before they got annoying because they always said ‘that’s what she said’ in the middle of every sentence, exhume and expatriate. See, not a whole lotta fun going on there, which makes explore that much more desirable, as opposed of course to it being expendable…

Why all this focus on exploring? Well, it’s simple (and I once again must apologize in advance to Kat). This week is ‘Explore Your Career Options Week.’ If only I had known this last week when I wrote about my TV show idea where I try out all types of jobs. That would have been perfect for celebrating this week. But once again, I have fallen victim to premature blog posting. It’s a complex issue that can be very embarrassing for the sufferer and I’d rather not deal with that right now. So, I am left to try to explore my career options in a different way.

One form of exploring is spelunking (can you tell I’m focusing this week on my segues?). However, as opposed to spelunking, I will not be using hats, lanterns, pick-axes, ropes or maps to explore my career options. I decided to use an online career assessment test. It was free. Just remember that tidbit as I guarantee you it will resurface in just a few minutes. I can’t say that I really enjoyed answering 500 questions about myself in 30 minutes, though I suppose it could slightly be related to the fact that my Mtn Dew downgraded to room temperature during this time. The questions explored how I viewed myself as a leader, whether I took initiative, if I make friends easily, how I feel about crowded situations and if I ever blurt things out without thinking first (and we all know the answer to that one). The only problem is that those basic set of questions were rephrased in what amounted to 500 different ways. As my attention span drifted to thoughts of things fried or cheesed, I cannot honestly remember how I answered some of them.

Finally, after having to register and being subjected to at least 20 great offers meant to make my life easier, I got my test results. It said that I am ‘best suited to a creative job.’ Oh my! Really? Who’d have thunk it? You mean all those times I got in trouble for being late on my projects at work because I was busy writing or trying to perfect Christopher Walken’s accent was because I have a creative side? I gotta tell ya how relieved I am. I had just assumed I had some type of tick that made me socially awkward and unemployable. It turns out that I need creativity. Whew! Yes, I am being sarcastic, which I believe was the answer to number 243. Really, 500 questions to find out what counselors and career guidance professionals have been telling me since junior high? I’ll admit I’m a bit miffed, which can happen to me easily sometimes. That was the answer to number 92.

At least I could still look forward to the site’s recommendation of what jobs were suitable for someone assessed as creative. I clicked with unbridled anticipation. OK, that’s stretching it. My anticipation was pretty bridled. And what were my top 3 employment recommendations?

1. Funeral Director
2. Bookkeeping
and
3. Personal Care or Service

Uhhh, did I miss a step here? Creative people are suited for bookkeeping? To be honest, I had always believed that putting the words creative and bookkeeping in the same sentence equated to an illegal act or at the very least a tax audit.. And do we really want to put someone who answered ‘yes’ to the question about whether or not you blurt out things without thinking first in the position of a funeral director? Perhaps even more importantly, do we really need creativity as a trait for a funeral director?

Call me old-fashioned, but I have always tended to think that preserving people for burial and carrying out the deceased’s funeral plans is pretty straightforward. I mean there are ways I can think of injecting some creativity into the proceedings, but who really wants a casket covered with works of fine art, family pictures or a coconut-scented cremation? I personally think that funeral parlor karaoke would be the perfect way to help a grieving family, but I’m sure there are volumes of research somewhere that prove very convincingly otherwise. At least that’s the case with most things I have recommended, especially at work. Seriously, who thought to do actual research on placing a kiddy pool behind our office so that we can dip our feet into it during breaks BEFORE I suggested it? It just seems like every time I come up with a good idea that someone says ‘well Michael, we already looked into this and it appears it is not a good idea.’ Heck, you’d almost think they were making up the fact that they did research just to keep me from recommending more ideas to improve the workplace. If that were true, it would mean that people are conspiring against me and I don’t believe that. Yes, that was my answer to number 338.

Well, I did my part and honored the spirit of the weeklong holiday by exploring my career options. I guess my next step is to enroll in Funeral Director College. In fact, I’ve already started working on my deep monotone voice and will probably start pricing black suits and carnations tomorrow. I can hardly wait until I can brag to people that I am a graduate of Bury U.