Where Hath The Time Gone (And Why Am I Using Words Like Hath)?

Increasingly I am beginning to feel my advanced 34 years of age. The month of May has given me heart issues, that mysterious popping sound in my leg heard ONLY when I go up a flight of stairs and now yesterday’s events. Lucy and Ethel graduated from Kindergarten. I realize that apparently some people don’t view the completion of kindergarten as something worthy of a graduation ceremony (hi Mom), so I will rephrase that to say Lucy and Ethel completed Kindergarten with honors. Yes, I added the honors part. This all means that effective this morning, I can now say that I am the father of two first graders.

Here’s the rub: I don’t want to be able to say that. Not because it makes me feel old, unlike the effect of having two open-heart surgeries or falling asleep in the recliner before 9:30pm every night, but because I am not ready for my little ones to grow up. It also isn’t made any easier by the fact that they are now easily more mature than I am. I know that a lot of the people who read this blog have kids older than 5 and I honestly don’t know how you have watched your children grow up without immense sadness that renders you immovable. Unless of course that’s just me, in which case I made that part up. I feel fine. Solid as a rock. There’s just something in my eye.

I can see an end to the days where they want to sit and watch TV with me, want me around all the time and try to emulate me, except for saying ‘that’s what she said,’ because they have gotten very good at doing that. Don’t get me wrong because at the same time I am getting all wistful and sad, I am also feeling immense pride about how grown up they’ve become. It’s very Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jeykll, or is that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? See what it’s doing to me! I will admit though that it’s a little odd to be put in check and told what not to do by a 5-year-old, but they are smart enough now to realize what is appropriate and inappropriate in public settings. For the record, sticking elongated food items in your ears while at a restaurant or singing ‘Yellow Submarine’ on the edge of a public fountain is not appropriate. Nor is picking Lucy and Ethel up and playing them like guitars when I drop them off at school or try to sing along in a falsetto voice to all of their Disney movies. I could keep going on with examples like these, but I’m starting to think they don’t paint a good picture of me.

After a two month break Lucy and Ethel will enter the first grade and join the other salmon swimming up the stream of public education. Though salmon die at the end of that trip, right? Hmmm, that may not be the best analogy here. Well, I’ve got the next several years of public education to work on a better one. For now, the girls will be out of the house for almost 8 hours a day. And I’ll finally be able to set up my hammock in the back yard and, wait, I’ll be at work for all that down time so it really won’t be down time for me at all. Ok, I’m not wistful anymore. Now I’m just mad. For the first time since 2002 my little girls will be out of the house long enough to do whatever I wish, like play the Wii with no interruptions or eat my Tillamook cheddar without having to share and I will be busy working. Wait, I don’t want to do those things without my girls. They are my little best buddies. The proverbial Gilligans to my Skipper. The Robins to my Batman, the Barneys to my Andy, the C3POs to my R2D2, the Pips to my Gladys Knight, the Hillarys to my Obama…Ok, I’ve now officially taken the comparison thing too far. But now I’m wistful again.

A few years back, I wished that we could freeze one of the twins between the 1-3 age mark and let the other one grow up so we could have the best of both worlds. I now realize that’s not a good idea because carbon freezing almost killed Han Solo and that might bring some unjustified and unwanted attention to me, not mention the unavailability of that technology. Also and perhaps more importantly, I would not have gotten to experience the growth and maturity of both Lucy and Ethel. So, I am just going to try and enjoy each phase of their lives no matter how sentimental it makes me for all the phases and milestones they will continue to pass. But since they still giggle at the word ‘toot,’ I hoping maybe I’ve got a little more ‘kid’ time left than I thought.

Now, why the heck can't I get 'Cats In The Cradle' out of my head?

I just read that Harvey Korman passed away. Watching him crack up at Tim Conway on the Carol Burnett Show was a part of my childhood (in reruns of course) and it still cracks me up whenever I see it...