For Rent

I made a joke yesterday about paying people to write my blogs. Then I retracted that statement realizing that I might be on to something. We all struggle with finding good post material from time to time, right? I know I do. Although there really should be no excuse for that given the fact that I have 3,000 post-it notes surrounding me that contain different things I have heard or seen or thought of for future blog posts. It’s like a giant 3M baby spit up all over my desk, assuming of course there is such a thing as a 3M baby and that it is capable of regurgitating paper in perfectly formed stick squares. Oh man, I think I’m onto next year’s top Super Bowl ad!!

But, this isn’t about Super Bowl ads. This is about blogging, or more directly, blogging without really having to blog. So, without further ado, I announce the launch of 'Rent-a-Blogger.’ That’s right, for a small fee, you can have ME write your blog posts. I’m still fleshing out the details, but I think I’m going to go with 2 different plans.

Plan 1: The ‘I’m Your Blog Bitch Plan’: You pay me and I write the blog post. It’s simple, it’s concise and there is no further relationship needed after the blog has been published. This plan is cheaper.

Plan 2: The ‘In It For The Long Term Plan’: This one involves a little cuddling at the end. Here is where I write your blog post and then stick around to respond to everyone’s comments. As it involves a little more commitment, it costs a little more.

These plans can be performed two ways. You can provide me a topic or I can come up with the topic without you. Chances are, you will be much more pleased with a topic that YOU choose, so please keep that in mind. You can also tell me which topics are off limits for your particular blog. Don’t like cheese? Does Rachael Ray make you want to toss your 30-minute cookies into something not so Yum-O that slightly looks like a dirty pool of EVOO? Can’t stand Tina Fey or Barry Manilow or Kenny Rogers (and shame on you if you answered yes to any of those names!)? Well then, just say those topics are off limits. After all, YOU are paying ME to blog for YOU (and yes, switching back and forth between all caps and no caps IS very tedious). Although I may not write about it with any knowledge at all, I will blog about whatever you pay me to.

Shoes, purses, operating riding lawn mowers, fly fishing, the fact that you have nightmares about the yellow smiley face guy from the Wal-Mart ads; it’s all up to you, the PAYER. I so wish that I could offer this AMAZING opportunity free of charge or as a non-profit service, but Alan Jackson’s new CD comes out today and I’m currently a little strapped for coinage. I also just bought the coolest retro Green Eggs and Ham t-shirt. Yes, that money could have been used for the CD or something like a car or house payment, but when The Seuss presents himself in cotton t-shirty goodness, you have to answer the call!

So, feel free to contact me with your blogging wishes, desires and needs. I am here for you. Sooooooo here for you. Yep, I’m just here waiting. And waiting. I’m tapping my fingers on the desk, literally. Send me an email and I can begin today. Really people, I am not going to blink until you contact me. Don’t make me hold my breath. I’ll do it. How else do you think I graduated from college? Here I go. I’m inhaling now…