A Riding Lawnmower...The Only Way To Drive.

Well I am sitting here in Starbucks with my pumpkin latte, which means 

it's writing time. But what the heck should I write about? A look through the weird news gave me an idea. Country music fans of George Jones will appreciate this: a man in Florida was arrested driving a riding mower trying to get away from a robbery. He stole some grass. Get it, it's a riding mower but also a term for marijuana. If I have to explain it, it means it's not funny. Uh, never mind...

George Jones used to drive a riding lawn mower when his wife took his car keys...alcohol may have been involved. He once sang a song about it, how she took his car keys, but she forgot about his ole John Deere. But this has happened in real life.

It gives me an idea. Because of my stroke, I have lost my license. Now I have to convince my wife to buy a riding mower. This might be a difficult proposition, because the last time I drove, I drove my brother's ATV into a tree. Granted that has been a few months but I think the episode is still fresh in the minds of all that witnessed it. Especially my brother who had the buy a new ATV!

Of course my lawns don't require a riding lawn mower, I could use it, but there would a lot of turning around and 3-point turns...which I don't think my doctor wants me to do. And I would have to watch out for sprinklers. I remember the first one a mowed over. I went in the house and told my dad that it looked like an explosion from Star Wars or James Bond. This was about a year ago. I'm kidding, I was 9 or 10. Wait a minute, I didn't get paid for that now that I think about it. Is there a statute of limitations for suing about unpaid child labor? I'm sure after almost 30 years it has expired...darn!

But I digress. This was supposed to be about me getting a lawn mower. I can see it now, with a cup holder, a stereo and one seat...just for me. I could cruise down to the BBQ joint or through the drive-thru at Mickey D's. Or to the car wash. Me and my John Deere.

So, if you come across a riding lawnmower at a stop light, just wave. DO NOT call the cops! And you might want to give me a running start when the light turns green. John Deere's are not known for their acceleration. It's more of a comfort vehicle...

It is National Coffee Day

Well, I mean everyday is an unofficial coffee holiday, but this one is O-F-F-I-C-I-A-L (I think I spelled it right.  It's so hard putting a dash after each letter...that's what she said...)  Most of the people I know enjoy a couple of mugs each day, well except for my family.  But I still love them...

In fact, I’ve got a cup right here next to me.  However, I usually don’t drink that cup.  It just sits here keeping me company as I write.  Then I do take a sip and I remember that it’s cold, so I have to refill my mug.  But, it’s here right next to me.  Oh wait, I just took a sip, so you can ignore this paragraph.  Oh look, I took a sip again!

I wish I could pass along some coffee trivia to you all, as this seems like an appropriate place to do so.  Something like, the coffee plant was originally harvested to make twin births more common or an unripe coffee bean tastes similar to bubble gum.  But, those are false.  Actually, I don’t know what an unripe coffee bean tastes like, but I imagine it’s far worse than bubble gum.  It probably tastes like dirt and I don’t know, a bean perhaps.  Or maybe it tastes like cotton candy, just without the candy.  You know, the way the paper cone tastes, I mean not that I’ve had just the paper from cotton candy.  I’m just sayin…

One way I would like to have coffee is with a French Press.  I’ve had espresso, a counter top coffee maker, a Brew Station, Starbucks  and while camping I’ve made quite a few pots over a campfire, but never from a French Press.  Although I like the name that Wikipedia gives it: A Coffee Plunger.  Wouldn’t want that near the toilet.  I also have not had coffee and a donut.  I’ve had both separately, but never together.  I guess you could say I haven’t dipped my crawler in a cup.  Actually, maybe you shouldn’t say that.  People may look at you funny.

And I do like coffee mugs.  Last year I asked my Facebook friends to send me photos of their mugs to be displayed in MugShots.  I probably should have made a coffee table book of coffee mugs, but that sounds too Seinfeldish.  While I was recuperating from my stroke, I actually got a few coffee mugs as gifts.   Each one is a part of my personality.  That sounds kinda weird.  What I mean is that each one REFLECTS a part of my personality…

We are entering my favorite time to drink coffee: the fall and winter and spring and summer.  It’s my favorite because they have all those holiday creamers and because at places like Starbucks they have special flavors – like Pumpkin Spice!  And of course it’s cool then.  I drink hot coffee when it’s hot but I usually start feeling sweaty while doing so, I know: too much information.  Maybe I should try iced coffee…

So in honor of National Coffee Day I say to you: raise up your mug and join me for a toast.  Although after reading this post, I should probably cut down on my daily caffeine consumption.  But where’s the fun in that?!!!

In Remembrance...

Since I started blogging, I repost this on September 11th.  I hope you don't mind...


At the very end of July 2001, my family and I (pre-twins of course) all flew up to New Hampshire and then to Maine for a family reunion. We had a long wait on the tarmac at the airport in Newark and realized that we might get to fly past New York. In anticipation, we got out my brand new digital camera (you remember the old ones that cost $500 for a 1 megapixel unit). 

As we took off in the little puddle jumper that would take us up the coast, we got an aerial tour of New York City. Although we certainly weren’t expecting it, we got to see many of the landmarks the city is famous for. We were treated to views of the Statue of Liberty, Central Park and even Yankee Stadium (which at the time was the highlight for me). But as we would come to realize just 2 short months later, our real highlight was getting to pass the World Trade Center and its 2 magnificent towers. The picture to the left was taken simply and casually as a tourist would take a picture of something they recognize. It has now become as cherished as any photo from that entire wonderful trip.

I post it in remembrance of September 11, 2001, when this country was forever changed.

Repost: Star Trek

On this night in 1966, Star Trek premiered.  It gave us Leonard Nimoy and Mr. Priceline, William Shatner.  This is what I wrote on 40th anniversary way back in 2006...

40 years ago tonight, NBC aired the first episode of what would become a cultural phenomenon and highly successful franchise. Star Trek hit the air on September 8, 1966. I have referred to Star Trek numerous times during my relatively short stay in blog land but in honor of this momentous day, it’s time to pull out all the stops.

I just finished watching “The Trouble With Tribbles” on TV Land and after not having watched an episode of the original series in several years, I was surprised at how vivid and bright all of the colors were. Watching as an adult, I was also caught off guard as to how campy everything about it was. Don’t get me wrong though, I’ve always been a fan and am (almost) not embarrassed to admit that I donned pointy ears back in the 7th grade and dressed as Mr. Spock for Halloween. The answer to your question is no, I did not have a date for that night’s junior high Halloween dance, but that’s not the point!

I have a lot of random thoughts about the show I want to share with you. The biggest one is that for such a logical and by the book guy, how cool was Mr. Spock. You know you’re watching a hip alien when he has a Beatle haircut. And how about those Klingons? Watching them made me realize how different creatures can evolve at such varied paces. In the 1960s episodes they were in, Klingons look pretty human, maybe a little beatnik, but definitely human. Fast forward just a few short years and they have evolved into menacing figures with foreheads that are eerily similar to an aerial view of California’s San Andres fault. Perhaps a better comparison for their heads would be what my puckered and stitched open-heart surgery scar looked like the day following surgery (although that might be better explained in a different posting; I told you this would be pretty random).

Watching Star Trek in syndication as a youngster ruined my understanding of space. I was almost in my teens by the time I came to accept that stars in space were not held in place by cosmic fishing line. I am proud to say that I was informed enough to know that the show was called “Star Trek,” not “Star Track” as so many people called it. Sadly, I would correct them. In hindsight, when it came to alienating my friends (so to speak), that was not such a logical thing to do.

The ideas, philosophy and technology on the show are still influencing us today. Did you know that television’s first interracial kiss was between Captain Kirk and Lt. Uhura? When NASA asked the public to name the first Space Shuttle, the unanimous choice was The Enterprise. The cell phone was obviously derived from the original communicator. We should thank Start Trek creator Gene Roddenberry every time we place a call from the middle of nowhere or ask the person on the other line, “Can you hear me know?” That phrase has become the new Millennium’s version of “beam me up.” The new cell phone wireless head-set blue-tooth ear clip on things (that as you can tell from my description I obviously know nothing about) sure remind me of the ear piece Uhura used to hail Star Fleet. Don’t you agree?

From everything I have read and seen, the original episodes are about to be exposed to yet another generation. TV Land is going to start airing the show nightly beginning in November and I read on MSNBC.com that high-definition versions of the original series with updated special effects (maybe they’re using George Lucas) will start in syndication around the country next week. I saw a promo tonight and I think they might have updated more than just the special effects. I could have sworn I heard Dr. McCoy tell Captain Kirk, “Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor, not a blogger!”

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

I know it's Labor Day Weekend...but I sure hope you aren't working! It's seen as the last weekend of Summer, though the heat will be with us for a while. But soon we'll be putting pumpkin creamer in our coffee cups and toasting the coming of Fall. Well, except for Southern California...we kind of go from Summer to Winter, which is a drag! Enough about that. Let's enjoy what we have while we have it.

I'm starting the weekend under the porch smoking a couple of racks of ribs. I've got the Ipod playing Jimmy Buffet and a cold soda within arm's reach. Well I just tried to reach my soda, so I'll say one and half arm's lengths. I wearing my “I Love To BBQ” t-shirt and my family is laughing at me...well, laughing WITH me (I hope). All that's missing is the Tiki statue (my family knows where to get one)!

So I hope you all have a great end of Summer. I trust that you won't be dumb as I am and that you will stay inside today. But if you are outside, I hope that you've got a pool. Happy Labor Day Weekend!!!

I Need To Stop At The White House To Make A Deposit

Looking to buy a piece of property? I heard about one in Georgia that might be appealing. It's a replica of...The White House. It was a bank that went out of business. It's 13,000 square feet but does not have an Oval Office. But it has a drive up window! The real White House doesn't have that.

You could have the White House with a touch of Elvis – you could install a Jungle Room. With the windows all in black and jungle print wallpaper. You won't get that in DC. Plus, you could shoot out the TVs when something you don't like is on.

Do you have something to tell your family or friends? You could tell them in the White House Press Room. Complete with a press release and telling them you won't take questions on where the family dog is. Or you could issue a news blackout...perfect for shutting up the loudmouth Aunt you have. How about using the Cabinet Room for...storage? Looking for something? Oh, it's in the Cabinet Room. Or could could use the Rose Garden for Bocce Ball.

What if you sold used cars in it? That would be something to tell the neighbors. I'm gonna buy my used car at the White House. You could negotiate the price in the Oval Office. The sales people could be dressed like secret service agents. Only the difference is, you could tell them what to do.

It would be perfect for a fast food place. I can see me getting a bacon cheese Lincoln Bedroom burger. Or a side of State Room fries. And let's not forget the Oval Office shake. Do I want lettuce with that burger? No! Veto the lettuce.

Yes, I could live in the replica White House. I just wouldn't let it go to my head. No limo, no plane and no secret service. Well actually, the plane would be fun!

It's TP Day

The year was 580. What was going on then? Probably a manhunt for witches, Benedict ends his reign as Pope and the first Starbucks made it's debut in Byzantine. Well, the Benedict thing was real. But what I was talking about was the birth of...Toilet Paper. On this day (who records facts like that?) toilet paper was invented in China.

Was it a big deal? Was it one-ply or double-ply? We're those bears around that had TP stuck to their rears? I have no idea. I just like asking questions. Well, I think the bears were not there and if they were, they would have been pandas.

Truth be told, the toilet paper was produced for the royals in China. I guess everyone else was in...a sticky situation. OK that was bad. Well, not as bad as not having toilet paper!! Anyway, I bet the royals in China were very happy with their new product. Did they have a jester come out and show them it's uses...probably not. Actually the modern toilet wasn't even invented yet. So it probably wasn't even called “toilet” paper. Maybe it was called “paper for that outhouse thingy.”

Kids were probably excited because they had something to throw at their enemy's house. Because I'm sure that “leafing” a neighbor's house just didn't do the trick. And you can bet that at weddings they had empty toilet paper rolls hitched to the wedding party’s buggy. Ticker tape parades got, wait...they probably didn't use toilet paper for that. Well, I hope not!

Let's just be glad that TP isn't for just royalty anymore. Although, the TP royalty uses must be multi-ply. That's why they walk around as if something is stuck between their...I shouldn't say that. I've never ended a blog post so crudely. Let me retry the ending. Let's just be glad TP isn't just for royalty anymore. Because leaves would be very uncomfortable...especially the pine or cactus variety!!

I wrote this in a Starbucks. It''s kind of a neat feeling. Writing someplace and having coffee and music playing. Actually, I do that at home. OK, being driven someplace and writing. I could get used to this. Maybe I am starting to be a real writer. Writing in the corner of a cafe...I asked for the LARGE latte (to quote “So I Married An Axe Murder.”) Well, first I probably should find a better topic than toilet paper...

If you have 10 hours... deliciousness awaits!!

My wife said it looks like an overtanned senior citizen!!!  But the taste is GREAT.  The best turkey we have ever had.  The problem is that we were eating it in 105 degree temps!

Randomness

Is “randomness” a word? Well since it didn't ask me to spellcheck it, I'll assume that it is. This will be the first post that I've written wireless. That's not really that important, but it is freeing not to have those wires on me...buh, dum, bum! But I can't think of what to write so I'll just write what ever comes to mind.

I am in a tiki mood! I usually am but today is more so. Sitting out by the grill with a hawaiian shirt is what I feel like doing. Actually, that IS what I am doing. I should get the hammock set up and then I would be all set. I am checking on the doneness of the turkey I am smoking and then I hop right back to the computer. It's the perfect day.

So I guess being off of work while recuperating isn't so bad. I've got a confession for you all. This is what I dreamed retirement would be like. I just didn't realize it would come so early. I have also dreamed that this would be the life of a writer. It's no secret that is what I want to do. Publish my posts or something similar and keep on writing knowing that I would have book deal. I have thought of compiling this blog as a self-published book. When I start to compile it though, the real world sets in. The fact that it's just random writings that no one would want to read. Although, that's why I have a blog...and it's free to do!!

So, I will continue being a pseudo writer and part-time grill master. Oh and baby's diaper-checker. Though that job I could do without. The baby's fine, just not what's in her diaper. Uh-oh, I gotta check the grill. I really didn't say much with this post, but the more I type, hopefully it will lead me back to where I used to be when I would log in to write. So thanks for reading and a woo howdy hoo to you too!

(I promise I'll have something WORTH  reading next time!!)

It is Bad Poetry Day

The intraweb informed that it was Bad Poetry Day. Rhyming has become difficult after the stroke. Both writing it and saying it. I literally stand there as just an empty container when I try to rhyme. But since it is Bad Poetry Day, I will attempt some poor prose...

It is Bad Poetry Day

I guess it makes what am I about say

OK

That was bad

And actually, kind of sad

It makes my rhyming

Simply mystifying

I should put a stop to this now

But how?

Do I end a poor piece of prose the right way?

What is fitting?

To say, I am quitting?

That would not be appropriate.

So I am going to leave you all with this:

See ya

Wouldn't want to be ya

Actually, if you can drive

I'll trade places with ya

Wait, I used 'ya' twice!

So I'll just end with...

I hope your day is nice!!!

That took me 30 minutes

To just rhyme a bunch of words together

Perhaps I should have spent that time

Sewing a sweater

But it's hot out

So I will leave that for the Fall.

That is all...

Repost: Top Ten Things To Remember Elvis

*Although he is living on an island with Marilyn Monroe, JFK and Jim Morrison, this was the day Elvis was said to die.  Although Elvis himself did not officially endorse this Top Ten List. Neither did Elvis' estate, for that matter. Ok, they are just 10 bad ideas I came up with. With no thought put into it, at all.  There. Now are you happy?


10. Sport trucker side burns. Sorry, this one's just for men – which I am sure Elvis would use (I mean the product. Not sure about the sideburns and all since the National Enquirer said one had to be glued back on after his death. D'oh). It drives that lady folk crazy. And if that isn't enough of an enticement guys, check this out: You don't have to shave as much of your face when sporting the trucker burns because they take up most of your cheek and hard to reach just under the jaw places.


9. Make about 36 movies – each one successively worse and each one making “The Love Guru” the “Gone With The Wind” of our generation.


8. Employ your own Mafia and then get your picture taken with the President in the Oval Office while wearing your full mafia regalia (including cape), therefore making the President look like a square. Because we all know that the title of King ALWAYS trumps the title of President. Then, as you are being driven away by your mafia, encourage them to make funny faces at the secret service because you pay them better than the President's protectors. After your visit, send a thank you note to the White House on your new stationary that is emblazoned with the slogan: “Graceland – Memphis Tennessee. Better than the White House because there is no Jungle Room or Purple curtains in the White House.” It seems over the top, but you'll feel so superior after doing it.


7. Give Cadillacs to everyone you come into contact with. Yes, I admit this one will be difficult given the price of the new 2009 Escalade and all. However, just remember it is worth it because you are buying affection AND loyalty.


6. Maintain an effective weight loss regimen by performing concerts in 60 pound, rhinestone studded jumpsuits. And pills. Take lots of pills.


5. Name your 737 after your only daughter. Or, just own a 737 – that's pretty impressive. By the way, the only celebrity I can think of these days who goes the 737 route instead of the Lear Jet route is John Travolta. Not enough celebrities fly around in their own personal airliners anymore. I'm guess this will change when Oprah and the rest of Hollywood see Obama step onto Air Force One for the first time. Yep, time to get stock in Boeing.


4. Take 2 slices of bread, a lot of peanut butter and slice up a few bananas. Then have your own kitchen lady fry it all together. Seriously, do this. It's deliciousness cannot be denied. If you Google “kitchen lady” I'm sure you can find someone.


3. Through the effective use of pills and dark drapes, make the daytime the nighttime and the nighttime the daytime. Then invite your in-laws over for lunch during the 'day.' Wait, this one is confusing even me.


2. When changing channels becomes too laborious, just shoot out the current program with a .45. It has far less buttons than I remote, I can assure you.


1. Fall in love with a severely underage girl, take her and her younger sister skating and stuff for 6 years and then marry her the minute Vegas says it's legal and have your child be born exactly 9-months to that very day.

Things I Learned As A Result Of The Stroke...

Back in the heyday of me blogging, I used to post Thing I learned This Week each Saturday. They were a list of things that happened to me. I decided I'm going to bring that back...on Friday. And what better way to start The Things I Learned from happened to me as a result of the stroke. Not that I think a stroke is anywhere near funny, but these are funny things that happened to me...

! I learn while in the hospital watching 30 Rock with my mom, not to explain what the show is about, especially when I can't speak. Hearing me say “rowr” and “uhhhhh” over and over again does not constitute me speaking.

! I learned that my right hand is not my ally. When looking at the dinner table and seeing my hand in whatever I am eating, is not good. Especially since I couldn't feel my hand in the hot plate.

! I learned that I couldn't pour coffee. I would spill more than what ended up in my cup. But I tried everyday. You would think having to drink coffee out of a straw would have been enough of a clue!

!  I learned that while holding a cup in my right hand, I would carry it at a 45 degree angle.  The are lots of spill stains on the carpet from this part of life.

! I learned that having a bare spot across the back of where your hair was supposed to be is not a sign of advanced intelligence. How does Jean Luc Picard make it work?

! I learned that having my smile come out of one side of my mouth did not make me look cool or like I had a chip on my shoulder. However, the cane I had did!

! I learned that I could no longer keep a beat when it comes to music. You know what, that was not anything new...

! I learned that people who suffer a brain injury need a lot of sleep. Well, I didn't mind that one too much...

! I learned that when I am taken to LA from Riverside in an ambulance, I should not offer the ambulance drivers a Fat Burger, if they stop so I can get one.

And lastly,

! I learned that when I am at my brothers house in Arizona and I am trying to show my family that I can drive, the best thing NOT to do is ride his ATV going 25 miles an hour into a tree! However, he did get to buy a new ATV!

The Day (After) They Go Back To School

I was going to sit in a cafe up the street with WiFi and write about how the twins started school and how it was exciting for me because they're gone 8 hours a day. Any parent knows what I'm talking about. Yes I am going to miss them, but I'm not complaining that they have to go to school...two identical twins start to get on each others nerves...which gets on my nerves. But I had to change my plans. We had to put my dog, Mabel, down yesterday.

She was 7 and large Golden Retriever. It's the first dog I had, so it made it that much tougher. We have a large backyard, but it seems so lonely with her not back there. But that is what happens when you have a pet...eventually. I hope to get another dog in time. Now though, we're missing Mabel. So, I will try to write how happy I am about the twins being in school.

You all remember the Staples commercial where the guy goes around singing “It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” because his kids were starting school. Well, let me just say I have had the Andy Williams (that's who recorded “Most Wonderful Day of the Year”) Christmas CD playing a lot lately. Well, just one song. Alright I'll admit it, I've been playing the whole thing. You listen to what you listen to, and I'll listen to what knocks my flip flops off, ok? Not to get defensive... ;-)

At any rate, school has begun. I used to go the work singing at the top of my lungs and nothing could get me down. But this year is different. I don't have a job and I can't look for one because I can't work, which is why a cafe seemed like a good idea. So, I will have to do that one day. For now, I am sitting at home (with my Andy Williams blaring).

There is so much I can do while they aren't here. Napping, yard work, reading, watching old Saturday Night clips that would not be appropriate for young, impressionable ears, Sesame Street and napping. Yes, I meant to type “napping” twice. Smoking meat while they are at school, which is not a “that's what she said” item is also on itinerary. BBQing and the smoker are favorite past times of mine, though it is different now without my Mabel keeping me company. I put some Jimmy Buffett on, grab a cold beverage and sit outside and stoke the fire...that's not a “that's what she said” moment, either!

It seems like there is so much to be done when the kids are not tattle telling on each other. That had become a major duty of mine this summer. I don't mind bidding goodbye to that task! So, my wife is purchasing ribs to smoke today and I'll see the girls when the school bell sounds. Besides, you appreciate your children more when you have to be gone from them each day. Right?

Today is...National Lazy Day!!

I don't why it's a national holiday. There is nothing indicating that it is...no Presidential proclamations or anything like that (I guess it would be bad for a President to declare a day for laziness...) But at any rate, it's National Lazy Day.

I think the day is timely. The twins start school tomorrow, so what better thing to do today than be lazy? The girls are playing Wii right now – in their underwear! Now that is lazy. I slept in until 9:30, that's lazy too. The baby is napping, yep, lazy.

I actually thought I would have more say. Laziness has permeated my mind. I was going to tell you what the perfect lazy day would be, complete with a how-to guide. I was even going to photograph my hammock. But I'm just to lazy to do that.

So, I will just sit here surfing the web and drinking my liquid crack (that's coffee) and let the day pass me by. Oh, and it's S'mores Day too. The girls have asked me to make some s'mores. I don't know. There's the chocolate, and graham crackers and the marshmallow...it seems like to much work for Lazy Day.

Two Days Left??!!

While reading that headline, you are probably thinking that “two days left” is some tagline for a sale. “Two days remaining to get all the cheese at 50 percent off of wholesale at The Cheesebarn.” Or, “two days left to get 4 awesomely delicious pies for the price of one pie (it's a little embarrassing to think of how quickly my mind turns to food...)”. But it doesn't pertain to food in this instance, although if we had a place called the Cheesebarn in Corona, I certainly would not be here writing, I'd be getting my grub on! At any rate, two days is exactly the time that the twins have remaining in Summer!! Boo, hiss, and all of the expletives you want to use. Two days?? What the what! Two entire days, it's unfathomable. And the twins will have to go to bed early early tomorrow night, so there is technically less than two full days remaining. There's a song by Billy Joel that comes to mind called “Famous Last Words” that talks about “summertime has come and gone and everybody's home again, closing down for the season...” I'm kind of singing that right now...

What can be done in two days? We had a nice summer, if you count 1.5 months as summer. And we only had one week of hot temperatures, well all right I not complaining about that. We went to SeaWorld, did Raging Waters, completely changed our downstairs, had Lottie's first birthday, ate lobster, had the twins friends' over to spend the night, published a book and had BBQ's. But what about the stuff we didn't accomplish...

That is what bothers me. All the stuff on my list I didn't get to check off. Things like, teaching the girls to ride bikes and swim (I know they are almost 8, so I guess the fault lays with me for not having those 2 done), making homemade ice cream, pitching our tent in the backyard, going to the beach, seeing the Beach Boys in concert, seeing the bugs light up the sky (well other than moths), going to an Angel's game and countless more that I cannot remember.

And there's all the things I wanted to do with the girls by my side, things the twins had no idea about. Roasting an entire pig in the ground and inviting everyone over for a tiki party, actually getting grass to grow in our backyard, teaching the family how to make cheese, having all the awesomeness that is the fried food at the fair, finally buying a deep fryer (I know I've been asking for one since I started this blog in 2006 – please get the hint this time), going to Hawaii, building a writing studio for me in the backyard and a trip to NY. Getting the twins a Hollywood agent, brewing homemade root beer, starting a Hawaiian shirt company, getting a book deal and HAVING THE DOCTORS SAY THAT I CAN DRIVE AGAIN (yes, I am screaming that one). I'm sure I am forgetting a few and I know there's a few that this blog's 4 readers will point out to me, but needless to say, the summer ends while I have unfinished business.

So, I guess we shall have to wait for the following summer to achieve all the the things that I the twins, wanted to do. There is one upside to sending the girls back to school – there will be 8 hours a day where they won't be here. I'm kidding, kind of. Seriously, I am kidding. Well mostly kidding. Well let's just say that I will miss them. Partially...ok, that was joke...

Old Photos

Since I really don't have my sense of humor back (dang, stroke) but I wanted to write, this is what I have to offer. It's weird that I used to write like it was taking bacon from a piglet, but now I want to write and nothing comes to mind. It feels like a prison, but I assume that the more I write it will come back to me...I hope.

I was looking through some old Library of Congress photos that a friend linked to on Facebook and there was one that stood out...the picture I used as this blog post's photo. I had seen it before on the Library of Congress's website. It was of a starch factory from Aroostook County, Maine in 1940. My grandparents were from Aroostook County, Maine near Caribou and as a boy my grandfather picked potatoes and sent it to a factory just like like this, it may have been this one. One Christmas, my mom found an Aroostook potato sack in an antique gallery and gave it to him. It certainly brought back memories. That potato sack and these photos kind of bring back something lost.

That why I like old photos. Whether it be people, cars or locations, it's kind of neat to see something that's gone forever...I want to say more but the thoughts are just jumbled in my head. That's why I keep writing, to train my brain to work like it used to.

The Baby's Birthday

It's chaotic around our house lately. Painting, furniture moved from one room to another and getting rid of stuff, oh and BBQing. The last one doesn't really have anything to do with why it's chaotic, I just wanted to share. Why are things hectic around here? Lottie's first birthday! On Saturday, she will have been with us for an entire year!

It's hard to imagine where the time has gone. Of course I had a stroke half way through that, so it's been kind of a before and after situation. When I was in the hospital for 2 weeks, she really didn't seem like she remembered who I was. Actually the first month I was home I didn't get the feeling she knew me. Since then, that has changed. I've been home every day since and it has made us inseparable. She is my new best friend, always by my side and giggling and smiling. I never thought I would say this, but I change my best friend's diapers. Not a lot of people can say that. Actually not a lot of people WOULD want to say that. Wait, on a second thought, ignore all that diaper stuff.

On Sunday, we will have about 60 people over for a BBQ for her birthday. About 5 people I actually know. I'm kidding. Friends, family and neighbors will be joining us. Actually, you could count the neighbors under the friends column...I'm actually going to have family here that has never met her before.

We're getting a bounce house (for me and the twins). It will tough keeping other people out of it though. I have to uphold my record of knocking every bounce house down that I've ever been in. Of course for the twins 5^th birthday party the wind knocked the bounce house down. That was fun to watch. All these kids screaming running around because the bounce house was collapsing around them. By the term “fun,” I mean it was fun on the inside, on the outside I had to act like a caring parent.

Most people are attending to taste my BBQ goodness (at least that's what I am telling myself). Honestly, we're having hot dogs and brats, oh and grilled lobster tail. Well, I put it on the grocery list, but we shall see if my wife picks some up. I mean it is my child's 1^st birthday, lobster tail is a good way to celebrate...I mean for me, Lottie can't have any.

And the cakes...our friend is making monkey cakes. That's what we call Lottie. She squirms like a monkey and she has taken an interest in monkey things, including bananas. I really don't know what the phrase “monkey things” actually is, but we show her a monkey and she gets excited. Of course we show her scissors and she has the same reaction. On her birthday I will finally be able to give her the sock monkey that was made by Sari. She's is gonna love that!

Right now she is sitting on the floor beside me as I type this, smiling away. She's playing with her Zoe stickers from Sesame Street and a cord from our fan. You know what, I should go...

A Cup For What Ails Ya!

And by “what ails ya,” I am speaking of being tired.  I guess I should have typed “a cup for what makes you tired,” but I thought my title was more interesting.  What is he talking about?  I am talking about that first cup of coffee in the morning!  This post will be dedicated to COFFEE - that liquid that we can’t wake up to without each morning.

Actually, I am sipping from a cup right now.  It’s a manly cup of coffee – Cinnabon Bun flavored coffee.  But I’ve got a least 6 types in the fridge.  I’ve tried to share my coffee addiction with the family, but they all say it smells like crap or mud or anything else that doesn’t sound appealing.  I’ve even offered cash or other prizes if they say want some, but no takers yet!

And by “what ails ya” I am speaking of being tired.  I guess I should have typed “a cup for what makes you tired” but I thought my title was more interesting.  What is he talking about?  I am talking about that first cup of coffee in the morning!  This post, my second since my stroke, will be dedicated to COFFEE - that liquid that we can’t wake up to without each morning.

Actually, I am sipping from a cup right now.  It’s a manly cup of coffee – Cinnabon Bun flavored coffee.  But I’ve got a least 6 types in the fridge -I don't have bacon latte, though. I’ve tried to share my coffee addiction with the family, but they all say it smells like crap or mud or anything else that doesn’t sound appealing.  I’ve even offered cash or other prizes if they say want some, but no takers yet! I suppose I could put it in Lottie's sippy cup, after all she'll turn 1 this weekend, but I have friends who work in child protective services and it wouldn't look good they had to haul me off.

That first cup, or 5, really gets me going in the morning. The few mornings where I don't have that first cup you would think I had a stroke or something by the way I talk and stumble about...At any rate, I need my morning cup of joe. When I used to work, I would wait until I got into the office to have it. It was like drinking in a community with the people I would work with. The drivers behind me probably wished I would have had a cup before I got behind the wheel though.

The consumption of caffeine is actually not recommended for me. With my heart issues the last thing I need is bolt of caffeine running through my system. It's like Elmo having a shot of speed. Well, it is nothing like that but I got to work Elmo into the conversation. But I stop drinking it, or drink decaf, after my first half dozen or so cups. My middle name is “moderation,” after all. That reminds me, I have to tell you about the deep fried pork ribs I saw...

Just look at a line around Starbucks this morning, afternoon or night to see what I'm taking about. Iced coffee or hot coffee (I'll define the hot kind as CLASSIC COFFEE), people need their fix. Just a few days ago, I wrote a Facebook status update asking if 11:30 am was too late to brew a pot. The responses we're essentially that people keep a pot on all day and night. Then I realized that coffee is essential to the running of America. Kind of.

So, I have my Brewstation (where I just place the coffee mug underneath it to dispense my liquid crack) is running on empty. I guess that means I am done here, there was a whole lot I wanted to say, but I can't remember it. Hopefully I will soon. I need more coffee in the meantime and Lottie is holding her sippy cup up...maybe she's ready to taste the smooth delicacies of a fine crafted cup of java!




****please ignore any typos I have, my proofreading has taken a slip since my injury***

It's Flitch Day!!

I know none of you know what that means, but I'll tell you (in due time). First, this is the first blog post I've written in 6 ½ months. Since my stroke...I don't know if it will be funny, but I need to train my mind to write again. It's kinda like physical therapy , except it's for the mind...and you will be my guinea pigs.

I could write a lot... Me crashing 25 miles an hour on my brother's quad into a tree (proving I could ride it just 2 months after my stroke), my newfound fascination with Sesame Street, how long it takes me to write something, or how I can't work or drive... but that's all boring. So I will write about Flitch Day.

You're probably thinking that Flitch is a funny twitch, or a light switch (if you have a lisp). Flitch Day, is (are you ready)... a measurement in BACON. That's right, a measurement done with bacon. I guess you couldn't find a more fitting topic for me to start writing again. Wikipedia defines it as: a side of salted and cured pork. An entire side, like half of a pig. Wikipedia continues: The awarding of a flitch of bacon to married couples who can swear to not having regretted their marriage for a year and a day is an old tradition, the remnants of which still survive in some pockets in England.

We are owed 12 flitches, I think. Well, I probably should check with my wife. I can tell you that it's going to join my lexicon of daily definitions! Right next to “knock on laminate” and “I want to go to there.” In fact I have added flitch to my Word dictionary. It's bothered me since I started typing this how flitches would end up on my computer with a red line under it. Not any more!!

In fact, I think I will have a flitch for dinner. Maybe in a hamburger or maybe on it's own. Perhaps smoky or cured with maple syrup. But, it's too hot to toil over bacon in my kitchen and it would be a fire hazard to cook a flitch on the grill. Wait I've got it...I'll order flitch from a restaurant.  That way we would use someone else's flichten AC!!!!!  

My time away...

HI!!!!  It's been a looong time.  I suffered a stroke on January 8, 2010.  The stroke affected my language, speaking and writing skills.  I hope to be able to write...some day!!!
-M