Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Top Ten Things I've Done Since Not Using Facebook As Much As I Used To

I recently have tried to use Facebook less.  By less I mean 8 daily posts instead of 15.  By definition that is LESS  :)  But seriously, I have tried to login less.  Although, you could say that I have ended up logging in more because I use to keep FB open all day.  Semantics aside, well I think that is a semantic, actually I'm not sure.  Better check with my Bible because I think Jesus' followers had many battles with the Semantics.  Oops, I have gotten off topic.  These are things I have done since being off of Facebook...

10.  Realized my daughters have almost become 10 years old.  I hope that don't ask for the presents they have been given for the last 4 years!!

9.  Realized my 'baby' girl is almost 3 years old.  I guess that explains why she can talk and walk now...

8.  I found out that my Rapper name is NOT 'E=MC2.'  That was a major blow to my psyche or a blow to my emotions or my funkiness or whatever it is called.

7.  I learned that 'groovy' was not the cool word that it used to be.  Well, that explains at least the last 4 years.  I have no idea why I was using it before then.

6.  Someone told me that Regis isn't on anymore.  That's news I would love to have gotten before now!!

5.  To my wondermint, I found that people don't come up and say 'Like' when you are speaking!  But how then are you supposed to know that people 'like' what you are saying!!

4.  I learned that people don't POKE you in public.  I guess it is seen as being rude...

3.  I learned that I had a stroke and can't drive anymore.  OK, that one is true.  When they said I had a stroke I thought they were saying I had come out with a great idea.  Ya know, a stroke of genius, not a stroke of the brain.

2.  I have realized that Denny's no longer offers their Bacon Sundae.  Perhaps it is because it's Tuesday?  That's ok if you don't laugh, because I didn't either!*

And the #1 Thing I've Done Since Not Using Facebook As Much As I Used To

I have come up with more time to think up my next Facebook status update!!!!

*Actually, I DID laugh at #2.  Well, not going number two, I meant number two on my list...

Friday, March 16, 2012

I Wonder If It’s A Pyramid Scheme?

Pardon the repost, but I had nothing better to say today. Seriously, rhyming say and today was as good as it got. So, I offer you this...

Hot on the heels of me offering to write posts for money (which was a joke, really. Honestly. Come on you can believe me) comes today’s pointless holiday that I am choosing to celebrate. Today is called Laugh and Get Rich Day. Now of course I can’t find anything about it on the Wondernet, so I am left to ASSume what we are supposed to do in honor of today.

As you might expect, I laugh…a lot. As you also might expect, I GET laughed AT a lot, too. The only problem is that all of my laughing has most certainly NOT made me rich and I’m pretty sure it hasn’t helped my coworkers (the biggest offenders of the laughing at me category) either. If they had gotten money for laughing at me, most if not all of them would no longer need to work and would be what people refer to as ‘financially independent.’ (When you read that last phrase, feel free to use air quotes. I did).

Maybe I haven’t made money laughing yet because I haven’t bought into the pyramid aspect of it. You’re familiar with the pyramid, right? No, not the one with all the clues on it and the snappy music and Dick Clark in really outdated blazers (though who doesn’t love that pyramid). I’m speaking of the symbolic pyramid where you get to watch me laugh for money and then start laughing yourself. Of course your initial laughing is not for pay because I get your money at first. But if you can get 3-5 people signed up to laugh at me, then you get a small percentage of my take and on and on. Eventually, I will be like the Darth Vader of laughing for money and you will all be my laughing storm troopers. Or maybe I would be the Emperor of laughing and you would be my Darth Vader and so on and so on. Hang with me; I know there’s a decent Star Wars analogy there. OK, how about this? I’d be the laughing Yoda and you’d all be my laughing Jedi. Yeah, that’s a pretty good one.

One thing is for sure though; if we work the pyramid correctly, I will one day be able to stand on the top of my pyramid (proverbially speaking, of course) and shout ‘I started a joke.’ I have always wanted to be able to yell that, because let’s face it, how often do we really get to reference Bee Gees song titles in our everyday comings and goings (it also gave me a semi-decent excuse to FINALLY use that cool drawing of the Bee Gees that I've kept on my hard drive for over 2 years now). And yes, I do realize that the rest of that lyric states ‘I started a joke that got the whole world crying, but I couldn’t see that the joke was on me.’ I am choosing to ignore that part though, because I am going to start a joke that gets 3-5 people to pay me, followed by another 3-5 people and then the 3-5 they’ll sign up after that. And I know what you are going to say to me when all the laughing money starts rolling in: ‘Michael, you are so rich now that you should be dancing.’ OH MY GOD, did you see that? I was just able to reference TWO Bee Gees songs in one post.

Am I going loopy? I mean I did have quite a fever last night. I guess you could call it a ‘night fever?’ Oh wow, that’s 3 titles now. Ok, I am going to stop before I lose all of my readership over the excessive use of Bee Gee song references. Yes, you could say it’s my way of Stayin’ Alive in blogsville. All right, I’m done now. I swear!

Well, I am off to try and make everyone I know laugh in the hopes of getting my pyramid ‘triangular thing that the Egyptians built with the help of aliens’ started. OK, I'll stop my 'jive talkin.'