Well, the sun is setting on yet another summer. I don’t know about you but it sure went by quickly. Too quickly, if you ask me, which for some reason you did not. Labour Day kind of marks the unofficial end to summer, which is somewhat ironic considering it was about 115 degrees here today. Maybe it’s the heatstroke talking, but it sure doesn’t feel like the end of summer with weather like this. I could have roasted a pig in the breeze every time the wind blew today. If the heat index was charted by the quickness with which a slice of cheese melts, this was a heat of fondue proportions. I realize that makes no sense at all, so I will give you another example to compare it to. Cheese melting on a mild spring day would be like putting it in the microwave on high for three minutes (comparatively speaking, mind you). I hope that helps you understand just how hot ‘fondue’ is on my heat index. Seriously, what the heck did I just write????
I think I would like to take the remainder of this post to recount the highlights of my summer for you. Uhhhh, ummmmm (this is where the camera pans way out to reveal the view of a forest while all you can hear are the sounds of nature). There had to be some highlights from my summer.
I know, there was my trip to SeaWorld with Lucy and Ethel. That’s where we saw the Lesser Flamingos (which I did a post about) who are colored a light pink. I will forever have the photo I took of Lucy and Ethel posed with their cotton candy of the same color in front of the Lesser Flamingos. The resulting picture looked like they are holding a Lesser Flamingo that they hunted and bagged. If either one of them ever dates a hunter, I am definitely breaking out the scrapbook with that gem in it.
Then there was the 4th of July. My nation’s birthday is one of my favorite days of the year. This year was extra special because an American finally won the famous Nathan’s Hotdog Eating Contest. Not only did Joey Chestnut win, he beat the reigning champion from Japan who happened to throw up in the contest’s final few moments. It may not be on par (yet) with the 1980 Olympic hockey upset over the Russians, but it was pretty cool. Of course that’s not actually anything I did this summer. I spent my 4th of July falling asleep in Lucy and Ethel’s kiddy pool without sunscreen on. After at least two hours of my sunny slumber, I was awakened by my ever-faithful, ever-watchful dog that just happened to wake up before I did. I think I’m still sunburned. I literally began to cry whenever I put a tie on for the two weeks following that.
Then there was the memory of barbecuing that will remain seared into my mind. Why will it be seared into my mind you ask? Because it seared me, that’s why. It seemed like such a good idea at the time to add lighter fluid to charcoal already pre-soaked with it. According to my calculations, it should have helped the charcoal ignite and burn faster, thereby reducing the amount of time I would need to wait to introduce meat onto the grill. There was just one thing I didn’t take into consideration beforehand…the wind that day. If I didn’t know better, I would swear that the flame from the charcoal briquettes was actually chasing me around the patio as if I was Pee Wee Herman running. I went left, it went left. I went right, it went right. If that is what hell is going to be like, I’d better stop playing practical jokes on my coworkers right away. I’m pretty sure the column of flame could have been spotted from space. By the way, when flame is attacking you, a spatula doesn’t provide much protection.
That brings me to my most recent summer memory. That’s the one when I actually got in trouble with my nurse because I walked too far from the nurses station during my recent hospital visit. If they didn’t want me to walk out of range of the wireless heart monitor’s reach, then they should have told me to not go to the other side of the hospital wing. And why is it they can get wireless heart monitors to deliver a signal but I couldn’t get a Wi-Fi connection? I will be writing such a nasty letter to my healthcare provider when I decide to take the time to do so. Eventually. Whenever.